Saturday, December 29, 2012

Papi & The Buddha


My favorite little cuddle buddy. My handsome little papi. I was thinking this morning about the fact that even though I am not Buddhist, but do appreciate and try to practice a Buddhist philosophy, I have a shit load of Buddhas, they give me a since of calm and peace. Can someone have to many Buddha's? What does any of that have to do with my cuddle buddy. Papi is the most multi faceted dogs I have ever known. He is a flirt, he has a sense of fairness, a since of little Alpha authority, confidence, a wicked sense of humor, and he is very introspective, and in fact he may very well be a Buddhist. You see when he was a wee pup, I came home one day, I noticed his 8 inch tall new puppy self standing in front of my 3 foot tall Buddha, as I approached I noticed that Papi had given an offering to Buddha, I was not pleased, I was very angry, now years later, and not long after the fact it makes me laugh hard at the thought of it.. You see Papi had somehow backed himself up at least a foot onto the Buddha, and left a steaming prize right dead center in the Buddha's hands. It struck me later that he really put a lot of effort, for either dog laughs, or giving the only offering he had... I am taking pics of all my Buddha's today. I love them. The broken Buddha head is one of the oldest one I have, Steve's uncle got him back in the 50's or 60's, and it is the one that Papi....favored....and he was broken during a move. He always looks like he is in nirvana, and will open his eyes at any moment... I love it.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas Morning, Like no other

I suppose I have staved this off for longer than many. My daughters are 22 and 28 years old. Neither are married or have children. Even though they live on their own, I always make them come over Christmas Eve, and spend the night, so we can celebrate Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning and make our family rounds.

My older daughter Setara now has a fiance and a new home, she lives in Texas but they travel to Los Angeles to spend time with his family for 10 days over Christmas and New Years.

My youngest daughter, just has a busy lifestyle so we Celebrated our Christmas on Sunday. This is the first Christmas that I have woken up, to a dark quiet house with no plan, no excitement, no activity. Dont get me wrong it sounds depressing, but it is just different. I suppose these are usually the gaps filled in by grand children, i have not been in a hurry for them, but I am sure for some this quiet can get deafening. I dwell and revel in the quiet, but there is indeed a touch of sadness this morning...

But I will not do guilt, or sadness, as a mother can, I will do joy, and open arms and do what is right for you always.

A storm rolled in over night, all night....I think a blast of cold and perhaps snow will follow.

I may not always be the compass for my loves, but I will always be their rock.

This will be a self care Christmas I believe...


Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas

I wish you all many blessings, peace and joy.



Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart…filled it, too, with melody that would last forever.
Bess Streeter Aldrich

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Release Renew

We had a wonderful time last evening with our Winter Solstice tradition. Steve built a fire in the old outdoor iron stove. Dinner chili, corn cakes, and wine.  We wrote down the things we wanted to let go of, and not drag with us into the new year.  My bundle was smaller this year, is that a good thing?  Red bundles, full of intentions, with offerings of chamomile sage and tobacco. wrapped with hemp twine. My mother, Steve and I. Each talked about our hopes, our fears, our goals, our releasing...and placed them into the fire, with a prayer to the universe...

I have to be honest, it is so strange, on the Solstice, I start getting excited in the morning, a euphoric feeling. Like this time, the morning was just breaking, on the horizon of trees in black, with a sliver of orange behind them, to greet the gray blue, I immediatly thought of that Cat Stevens Song, which is actually an old Scottish hymal "Morning has Broken"

I am euphoric throughout the day, and every year I come home, and the energy in my home is all wrong, not normal, charged with frustration and anxiety. Steve and I both, something will happen, an aggravation with what should be simple task, a tif...it is really odd, and I cant seem to figure it out, it is like a culmination before the release...because I tell you, it all ceases, and normal calm returns when we start to fill our bundles.. Maybe it is everything rising in us that we are thinking of letting go of.. It just happens each time, and appears to be more than just coincidence. Just (2) of my many pups to snuggle with.




 

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Winter Solstice

Last fm winterbeats (credit)

I am so looking forward to celebrating Winter Solstice, in our small but meaningful way. We will light a fire in the old iron hand built outdoor stove. I will make a dinner that is warm and satisfying. We will in quiet contemplation choose the things we wish to release and let go of. Things we dont want to continue to carry with us. We will put tiny pieces of paper with those intentions in our cloth bundles, with our flower and tobacco offerings, and we will talk about what it means to us, and what our hope is for ourselves, for each other, for the future. We will place our release bundle in the fire.. and let it burn clean....

My beliefs are very complicated, and I am good with that..it would be difficult to make many people understand that...It is really sad to me that there are so many people in my life, work etc... that I could not mention this to without some back lash... I choose to keep it to myself and my family. It is not anti God, or anti Christ...It is a celebration...I have a Buddhist philosophy, but would not call myself a Buddhist, I believe in a creator, and Christ, but I will not call myself a Christian, I pay homage to mother earth but will not call myself a Pagan. I refuse to label myself, it has taken me a lifetime to come to know that It really only has to be okay with my spirit, and that gives me great peace and understanding.

I am sure some of you may be baffled by the statement of back lash, but I live in the Bible Belt.

 

Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Buzzard Tree

We spent a wonderful time camping with friends this weekend, and while hiking a trail, my friend John, said look, I feel so sorry for buzzard trees. I said "a buzzard tree?" I looked and saw a tree covered with hovering large black buzzards, he said the buzzards have to live somewhere, but the tree is sacrificed, it dies from the acidic putrified droppings. I had never heard of a buzzard tree, or knew this information. I was a bit mesmerized by it, and hiked back to take pictures, the next morning. They were waiting, it was dark, and haunting. The pictures I took appear black and white, but they were taken in color, just a gray sky morning, winter trees, and black buzzards.  I found a poem, when I came home and typed in buzzard tree.



The Buzzard Tree

The buzzard tree stands forlorn
Of leaves and small branches shorn
Crafted by nature, stark and bare
With no life here to share
Draped in moss through which the wind blows free
Stirring as though life's in this tree
Branches twisted and broken fingers reaching
Grasping
Once a mighty oak, long departed
By nature haunted
Casting off bark and limbs
Until only there are maggots within
Feasting on the pulp of yesteryear
Gnawing away the last substance dear
Until in a final act of the Almighty
The tree comes down with a crash.

Does anybody hear or even care?
Sidi Mathrow -




Friday, December 14, 2012

The Thing I Seek

My journey over my lifetime, and especially this year has been at times too slow, too fast, too painful, joyous, heartbreaking, affirming, fleeting, and at the same time just right at all times. The more I traverse, these hills and valleys the more I realize they are such a necessary part of the plan. I have admonished myself for comparing my journey to others, I know this is fruitless, but it falls back to an insecurity, of believing that I am taking too long to reach the awareness I seek. I am learning to trust myself deeply, to know that I am where I am supposed to be, and each of our journey's are sacred and individual even if that differs drastically from my perception. I am starting to see that I truly already possess that thing I seek, that awareness, that must be slowly uncovered like a treasure. I will stumble, I will fall, I will doubt, but I will not stop digging, and I will always get back up. I will continue to seek connection with kindreds, and know that I am whole, and enough. That my truth and answers are ancient and sacred and waiting to be uncovered, which allows me to enjoy connection and learn in a light way of being that i can travel this path, and admire the fruit, and appreciate its offering. That its okay to seek a lamp light occasionally, and be gentle with myself, and hopefully be a lamp light and safe place for someone else's journey.    



I hope you will go out and let stories happen to you, and that you will work them, water them with your blood and tears and you laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Est├ęs Women who run with Wolves. Wild Woman Archetype

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Sage & Blue


I got a lot accomplished today, with regard to my two Etsy shops and listings, everything else, not so much, other than a little nuzzling with some of my favorite little creatures, my boy goats Sage & Blue. 

Friday, December 7, 2012

The Mantra

A new whispering -

The Mantra

I am blessed

I am Thankful

I am Grateful

I am Prosperous

I am Loved

I Love myself

I Love my life

She speaks rubbing and grating against flesh bone, and blood
She speaks words and thoughts that defy what the world has taught her

She speaks truth that feels like lies.
She speaks until the soul convinces the flesh blood, and bone
that she speaks the truth, THE TRUTH

She speaks until flesh, blood and bone know and embrace the Souls Truth
All souls truth.

The truth of I AM.

Lisa H.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Girl Sinking - Girl Rising

When I was a child, which sounds even strange to write, because quite frankly I never really felt like a child. I always felt like an adult. Not in a jaded kind of way, but in an introspective, melancholy way.  I had many imaginary friends, not a lot of real ones. I liked music that was slow and sad, and longing. I liked sitting alone and listening to it from age 4 on up. I have almost a full recollection of my life since age 2. I felt the need for melancholy, I liked sad dark things. Perhaps a carry over for something I wasn’t quite ready to let go of from a past life.
   
I had dreams of some of those lives, one was a re occurring nightmare of my drowning… I was dressed in garb perhaps from the 1600-1700’s. They started when I was a toddler and did not stop until I was an adult. Every night the same dream awakened the same way.

I was apparently on a row boat on a boat in a body of water, perhaps a small lake or something bigger. I cannot see faces; it starts with me being lowered into the water, on my back, with a weight of something on my chest to assure that I sank.

I was on my back; I could see sun light through the water, only my legs free. I was sinking sinking sinking, until I was almost at the bottom. I brought my legs up straight high up in the air, and brought them down in an attempt to right my upper body,  I woke up doing this in my bed, I would bring my legs up, and down, and propel my body up, and wake in terror. Every single night…. Oddly even though I could not see who was doing this to me, I did not feel like I was being murdered, I felt like they had to do it, and did not want to???? I always thought perhaps they thought I was a witch.

The last time I had the dream would be when I married (too young) and moved to my new home with my new husband, and had my daughter Setara. I love my daughters and would not trade them for anything in the world, they are my heart, but I always had an aversion to having children prior to having one.

Many many years later perhaps 20 years later, someone told me that I could probably have the front part of that dream if I wanted to…. That very night after not having the dream for so long. I received a gift, the front part of the dream.

The dream we are getting in the boat, I can see their faces, but I do not recollect them after waking. Perhaps two men a woman and myself. They are crying and I am comforting them, telling them it will be okay, that they have to do this….They do not want to, but know they must….

I am young, I am unwed, and I am pregnant. My pregnancy and circumstances would have led to destruction for myself and my family. I asked them to do this. I wake as I am being lowered into the water. I felt no terror; I felt sadness for them that they had to do this thing, to let me go, to sacrifice me as it were at my behest….

I told another friend of mine that the original dreamed stopped when I married. He said no Lisa the dreamed stopped when you had your baby…. I think he was right.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences with such…






Thursday, November 29, 2012

Whispers

Last evening I re visited some of Dr. Dyer's messages, one of them being that if you wake in the middle of the night or early morning, you should make yourself get up, at least put your feet on the floor. It is in those moments, in that quiet before dawn breaking that the messages can be felt and heard, the answers clearer, where writing and creativity and can be pure.  I woke this morning at 3:20 am My asthma issues were not letting me sleep. I got up thinking about what he said. Bleary eyed, I made steeped fresh ginger to soothe. I grabbed my journal, and my pen, and had but one thought "Speak to me" The pen took over from there, I was writing, but it was more my heart, and my hand, my brain was still in a fog. I wrote I closed my journal, finished my tea and lay on the couch in and out of sleep.

All day at work I thought, I cant wait to get home and see what I wrote, odd huh! Anyway nothing really earth shattering, really. I wrote it below, just as I wrote it with spirit, heart, and a mind not fighting it.

Picture I took of flowers on a tree/bush in the lush forest of The Smoky Mountains. 

A Pre-Dawn Whispering

Speak to me 

Oh gentle one, Oh pure one 
speak to me on the wings of dawn
as night takes its flight away and beyond 

Speak to me of sacred dreams and sacred
knowledge and ancient ones. 

Speak to me so that I may know the Millenia
of love that resides in my every breath and cell

Speak to me 

Thank you Creator 
for speaking with me, to me , in me about 
Love & Light. 

Have you had any Whisperings that inspired you lately?  I would love to hear.



Wednesday, November 28, 2012

BLACK DOG REVEALS HUMANITY

I questioned whether or not I should share this story due the disturbing nature, but decided that I should, as these moments are too rare to be a part of and learn from in such a dramatic way.

I have only shared this story with my husband because I am not sure if I could control myself if I received a sarcastic or insensitive response from others.  I look at animals as beautiful sentient beings, and teachers that we share this earth with, and that we should have a respect for and never treat as possessions or objects... 

Having said that, and I apologize in advance for this lengthy post, but I really must paint the picture.

I work in Dallas and I live 50 miles away in the country. Imagine Friday afternoon rush hour traffic I was traveling on the 2nd of 3 freeways I must travel to get home, it can be rage inducing and mind numbing, until I get closer to home when I can exhale.

I notice something small black and moving on the shoulder, it is not registering, this is a busy freeway next to down town. I see a woman pull over to the half shoulder and get out running after, oh it’s a dog. Oh no! She is running, he is running faster, she is frantic… I pull ahead and try to keep him from leaving the shoulder, he bolts, and I am honking flashers on, and stopping, to alert the other vehicles hopefully that they should slow down or stop. People see what is happening, everyone slows dramatically or comes to a halt, the dog a midsized panic stricken black Lab is darting back and forth across 4 lanes of traffic. We have created a wall basically people are getting out of their cars calling to the dog, enough people, so I drive up further ahead and pull over, I am waiting ahead calling to the dog, now there is an ambulance driver running behind the dog, the dog panics and bolts again, for the elevated entrance ramp of an even busier freeway.

The ambulance driver passenger gets in the driver seat and takes off for the ramp, a van already on the ramp, straddles his van sideways as the dog is running his direction, the ambulance get up to the ramp and does the same. I pull onto the ramp and stop with flashers on. The dog is now cornered, the van driver, and the ambulance driver calmly approach the dog, and then…The dog cornered leaps over the edge of the (2) story elevated entrance ramp. The men’s faces turned white they were devastated.

They looked over the edge as if they were trying to see where he went. I did not look; I choose to think that the sturdy, adrenaline fueled dog, landed on a small patch of grass instead of the asphalt and survived.  I was shaking...

Normally a situation like this would have had me in sobs, with heart breaking…a lost night of sleep thinking about it…etc….but instead I noticed that even when I was in the midst of it, that this was special, all of these dozens of people stopped on the freeway, out of their cars, hands on heads, hands on hearts, hands in the air from sadness and frustration at their inability to capture this innocent, fear stricken dog….. My heart was so full of the humanity of that, the looks we exchanged, it was as if our desire and action were enough, we shared that connection of humanity. All of those people that day had to be touched by that experience, by stepping out of their personal moments of being on their cell phone, frustration, thinking about mundane task, to all of the sudden experiencing something unexpected and meaningful.

The black dog showed me that day, and hopefully others that people do still care, that people still have a basic instinct of humanity, and that it is strong. May we all serve our purpose and have as much of an impact as Black Dog did that day…..

Sunday, November 25, 2012

These Moments



These Moments

I sometimes feel that I spend so much time planning, calculating, thinking about the future that I sometimes forget to be in the moment, or to just get lost in a moment, but maybe that is the way it should be, if we spend every moment in the moment, perhaps we would not realize or experience that "moment" that simple rapturous moment colliding with the simplest and purest of moments..The ones that remind us what is so important, so important that I hope when I ascending to that next plane of being, it will be the moment and feeling that replay.  I have gone through extended periods of living in the now, and it is gratifying, but it can be elusive to the point where it felt accidental and you are not sure how to get back there, until something, or someone jolts you into it.  I had a moment like that on Thanksgiving. My sister and I love each other, but we have never been overly affectionate, and have rarely understood each other. We are opposites in every way. She is animated, and funny, bubbly, never stops moving, and no insult to her because believe me, but just a thought has always been on my part is that she doesn't stop long enough to truly see, that she does not take in  information, and ponder it, she just keeps moving like a fast train forward. I have never understood this what I perceived as a lack of depth and introspection, and again believe me i would have traded my days of depression, introspection, and coldness, self blame etc....for the freedom of what she had in what appeared to me carefree days avoiding any degree of stillness or being with oneself.  The point to all of this is that on Thanksgiving two things much different than ever before between us occurred. We were at my daughters for Thanksgiving, and I needed to get on the road home. We were alone in the kitchen, and I told her it was time for me to go, she laughed hard, and threw her arms around me, and hugged me tighter than she ever has, she whispered in my ear that she could not let me go, and that I was going to stay right there with her in that moment for ever....I told her I would, like a child she said "you would really stay right here in this moment with me forever? I would it was so touching, and so real, and so foreign with her, when my daughters saw us embracing in the kitchen, they were laughing and ran over, and all grabbed me, and would not let me go. It has been a long time since i have felt that much love and feeling from others... What a moment, I really would have liked to stay locked in that moment forever... My mother snapped a picture, and at first I thought oh no the picture is blurry and ruined, but upon further inspection, I noticed that our spirits are sharing in that moment, every part of us collectively was joined in that moment. The picture perfectly represents that...   The other moment is when decided to swim on Thanksgiving at my daughters just because we could, it was 80 degrees and the pool was heated, I swam with my now grown beautiful daughters, I was laughing and playing with the dog, we were having such a good time, I really come alive around my kids, I saw my youngest daughter with that look on her face, and I recognized that she was having that moment as well, like I am going to lock this one away for a rainy day, looks...... I love them and these moments so much. I am going to strive to recognize these moments, even when they are not so obvious to me...

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Romancing-Me

Steve went out of town for a few days, at just the perfect time.. I needed some me time, which I rarely fully take. Being home alone lets me concentrate on me if I will. I decided that I need to have a date night with myself, perhaps just a whole romantic weekend indulging me, and showing myself love, compassion, and understanding... I am very much an over thinker, an analyzer, I am almost too objective if that is possible. I probably would have had a wonderful career as a mediator, as I am a creative problem solver, fair, tolerant, and compassionate.  I played hookie from work on Friday, which is a bit unusual for me, but I needed it since, I knew I did not feel well, and I needed a full two days of me time, and I knew I would be working with my partners on our body product business on Sunday...

My Friday, I went thrift shopping, which is my favorite kind of shopping. bought some cute skirts, which i am growing more and more fond of, so much easier to throw on a skirt than snug into even the most comfortable pair of jeans, I do both, but I needed the romantic effortless flowy skirt...

The day was full of making myself breakfast, tidying up just a bit, hot bath... off to the store to buy food for just me, and a bottle of wine....

I bought myself a couple of new things to go with my thrifted skirts...
Movies galore I rented.  It was a hot bath, comforting food (did I forget to mention the massive amount of dark chocolate?)

It was very nice and relaxing, and indulgent.... As I went to be I began to think of all the things that are fractured in my relationships with others, and wondered of course what I could do about that..... Wow, I had hoped I would fall into a sleep like a baby mode after the self love of the day...

Saturday-I had so many projects swirling in my head, art, beautification around the house, a movie and dinner by myself out perhaps.... I decided that I would do what I could, and not fret about the rest.... I did some re arranging, painted the front door a bold choice of a beautiful moss green, who would think it would take hours and 4 coats of paint to cover the door, the results were worth it.

Spent an hour or so with my mother...Another trip to the thrift store to try and show her that it takes diligence and some time to find what you are looking for at the thrift store, as unlike me she is very energetic and hyper, and gets distracted by shiny things, our joke.

I went home, lit some candles, poured a glass of wine, and tried on my new outfits, and lounged as i listened to a few cd's that I adore. Lucinder Williams, Neil Young etc... I dont think I anticipated the impact Lucinda would have on me with Lonely Girls, I usually listen to it, but I have never just listened to it un-destracted, I realized that I am indeed a lonely girl...My entire life I have never related to other women.. I always felt on the outside looking in, standing to the side, just plain strange like I was from another planet, and I dont get these people. As I moved into my late teens early twenties, my shyness and introversion (is that a word?) became mistaken for snobby. To make matters worse, and I can say this now that I am forty something, haha! I was very attractive (wow my hand even shook when I was typing that, hard to say about myself, even my 20 something self) I was thin, and athletic, yet busty, I was a little exotic looking with my dark olive skin, and green eyes, and light brown hair, and believe it or not this caused me great anxiety, because I wanted nothing more than to blend into a wall.

My point here is that girls just did not get me, and did not like me, and I think to a degree felt threatened by me... Boys were interested because of my looks, my vulnerability, and what they perceived as a challenge ( I definitely had a wall break down) and I guess a mysteriousness as I listened and talked very little.. While my female counterparts were doing everything they could for attention, and talking about themselves non stop, so when the new boy they were all eyeing across the room, would find me in my dark corner, well it did not go over well.

It is not what I wanted, it was just who I was...Unfortunately my inability to develop real meaningful relationships with women did not happen in my formative years, or teenage years, it is has affected me as an adult.. I felt very sad that on my me weekend the thought never entered my mind that I should be sharing this weekend with another woman a friend, and then it struck me that there is not one woman i feel completely comfortable with.. There are women I like and vice versa, and I can chat with, but to share vulnerable moments, meaningful moments, important things, it doesnt happen.

I only have myself to blame, if blame were assessed, and even though I really long for that, a woman that i can tell anything to, a woman who could understand my strangeness, my introversion, my quirky thought processes does it even matter anymore..

I closed my day with more chocolate, a box of hair dye ( I dont like salons, I know I told you I am not your average normal female bear)  a very meaningful tranformative meditation..  I do want a tribe still, I have to start living in my heart more, and less in my head....

Sorry to go on so long, but this is my journal after all.

Love and Light to all you Lonely Girls....

Thursday, November 1, 2012

SO MUCH -SO LITTLE

I have wanted to post a hundred times over the last few weeks, about so many things, there seems like so much I can not put words to, and other times, lately it seems like I think about so many things that mean so little. I hate whining, and grasping, and giving in, and distraction, but lately, it seems like the thing I am doing, all in my own head mind you.  The things that feel like so much are:

A final release from a Karmic Event

1. The realization that it was a Karmic Event with my mother that has been playing out for so long, and with others as well over the same devastating issue. Finally, I dealt, it was painful, it is still painful, because I said some very hurtful things, things I held on to so long, things I owned that were not mine to own in this lifetime. The letting go of that burden was beautiful, the aftermath was not, it is not an obvious thing. It is a rigidness with that person that wasn't there before, it is catching them looking at you differently, like they dont really quite know you...and I cant fix that, it is not mine, but it is hard, and trust is damaged...

2. Brattiness? Lately I have fallen off-Fallen off of my meditation, my health conscioussness, my attempts at connection... I cant explain it really, I just feel bratty, and for some reason I feel like that is what is needed. I supposed I will understand one day, I am just trusting that it is part of my soul work, my journey, perhaps a break from an intensity that is needed, my child rebelling a little at it rather strict master lately....

3.  My need for connection seems to have been replaced with impatience for others, in other words, perhaps judgement, judgement that they make no attempt to change the blind way they move during this time of transition, the holding on to of dogma and refusing to look inward because someone told them that it is Un-Godly to look inward.... Pretty arrogant of me to say that I suppose.... but it is just how I feel.  I dont know what their role is here, so who am i to judge their methods... Just pondering a bit.

I take comfort in knowing the magic is always there, if we know where and how to look for it...  I trust that my judgement and apathy will cease.  

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Compassion

I have always been a very very compassionate person, I would say almost to a fault. I ache and hurt for the hurt, the wronged the misunderstood, man or beast...When I was a small child about 4 years old, I distinctly remember feeling that even inanimate objects were living things, and I often wondered if they felt? and if so what did they feel, sad, happy, etc... I was lucky as a pre teen my wise grandmother told me that I should always view my compassion as a gift, that i should embrace it. She told me a story about when she was young, and she shared my level of compassion, as she became a young adult, she felt that her compassion made her too weak and vulnerable for a harsh world. She told me that she prayed daily that God please take her compassion away so that she did not hurt so much, she did not want her compassion because she saw it as weakness, she said eventually, she noticed that her prayer was answered, she felt different, colder, less caring..She told me that would give anything to have it back, because she missed the warmth of it, the depth of feeling. I listened to her, and compassion has not always served me, but I never forgot what she said. As I get older I am still as compassionate, but I have learned to protect my heart for the most part. I now love that I am compassionate. It burns, but the burn is warmth. I am looking for ways to use my compassion to actually affect change. I do a lot with animals, but I want to make more of a difference, I was given this compassion for a reason, and I believe the reason should have some postive action attached to it. I am trying to figure that out, and will post it here.     

Friday, September 21, 2012

Journeying with Animal Medicine

I have touched on my journeying in the past, so some of this may be repetitive, but I have chosen to share my very personal journeys in the hopes that this will resonate with some who share this and will show others that this is a gift to us all, that we can all access this divine knowledge to help guide us and re assure us. I am no authority, but it has proven to be a sacred part of my own journey. I have several Journey experiences that i will share over time, weekly along with the Alchemy Journal of Healing.  I welcome any comments, questions or suggestions.

The Alchemist Healer Journey of Awareness:

The process of Journeying is something I have only learned over the past few months, but it has become a piece of true magic in my life. The help and guidance of animal spirit is always there for all of us to use and access at any time, with the open mind, heart and intention.

I will not go into all of the ins and outs of journeying as I am a novice and there is wonderful information in books and online regarding Shamanic Journeying Techniques. Sandra Ingerman is an Icon and has amazing information especially for the beginner.

I did not write my journeys down until now. They were so personal, I would share them with my husband and some with my mother, but I realized for myself I need to document with a journeying journal of sorts, and maybe one day seeing the culmination of the gifts I receive will be a gift to another soul, and me. 

Journeying is strange really, as Sandra Ingerman says, as well as a known shamanic belief: Animal, plant & Mineral spirit, are always present, they appreciate acknowledgement and are here to share and serve.

I have only experienced Animal Spirit with regard to the actual journeying process, although I have had touching experiences with plant spirit. This is my documentation of a very important part of my journey.    

You must always ask to use Animal Medicine, and show gratitude once it is shared.

Journey 1. My first experience was really mind blowing.  I actually started out with meditation, I was anxious to journey but had convinced myself I was not ready to do this. My heart, spirit and sub conscious mind had a different idea, and knew that the door was open and the path was ready, which became evident, when while in my meditation, I realized I was above a Japanese Garden, looking down on it, cherry blossoms, paths, water, it was so ethereal and beautiful. A dragonfly basically for lack of a better word let me use its body or vice versa, yes I am saying for a time I was that Dragonfly, like I said mind blowing. While in a meditation state, I felt myself moving my arms and head, moving with the dragonfly movements.  It was sublime. I learned quickly that I could see the energy and essence of everything. I saw a human and a light energy around him; I swooped down and danced in his energy, actually absorbing it. It was pure ecstasy. I wondered if the dragonfly was in my human body, when I was in his body.  

I then saw a child and again gently landed on him. He was in amazement, he giggled and could not believe I landed on him, he stared at me intently, at my beauty, he was in awe, I could feel it, and I actually wept.  




Dragonfly Medicine was powerful and opened a door for me into the other non-ordinary realm, and made me understand that I could have these experiences. True Magic.

Dragonfly Medicine- I learned that we are all made up of light and energy, and that we are all truly connected by that, and it is truly magical the interwoven perfect connection that can sustained our spirits, our beings.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Alchemist Journal

JOURNAL OF ALCHEMY INTO PRACTICE:

7312012 2012 157

BODY ALCHEMY- Oil Pulling with Grape Seed Oil. I will likely alternate my oils between Grape Seed, Coconut Oil & Sunflower Oil.  .

What is my goal- Holistic treatment of my body with the purpose of clearing bacteria, fungals, and any disease that may reside in my body?  I have suffered with chronic allergies and sinusitis for years, and now I have Bronchitis that continues to hang on, and is not completely eliminated with antibiotics.   I have had low energy and bloating for years. I have actually had people ask me when my baby was due, because I carry all of my weight in my stomach. I suspect Candida, and will make a full effort to eliminate this from my body.  I have practiced this briefly before but stopped.  It is difficult to deal with die off, especially if you are someone that has a lot of bacteria/toxins etc… to clean from your body. I am hoping in a week’s time I will feel good.  The first few days are rough due to detox and die off.  My head felt hollow and aching, my sinuses were heavily congested, and my eyes were burning and watering. I know this sounds terrible, but I have been walking around feeling terrible, and accepting it. No longer will I do this, and if a few days of intense not feeling good??? Will help me reach my goal, I am in. Not everyone experiences these die off symptoms, but if you have a lot of toxins to get rid of in your body, you will likely feel worse before you feel better.

 I will keep you posted on my progress. I can tell you that an immediate pro to oil pulling is that your mouth and teeth feel amazingly clean, and look healthy and white. They recommend holding and swishing the oil in your mouth for 15 or 20 minutes, I have been doing 10 minutes and will work my way up, but it is effective, for me anyway.

What is Oil Pulling? I think this site has the most comprehensive explanation: http://www.oilpulling.com/whatisoilpulling.htm. Which states: oil pulling or oil swishing, is an ancient Ayurveda simple natural remedy procedure that involves pulling or swishing oil in the mouth for oral and systemic health benefits. It is mentioned in the Ayurvedic text Charaka Samhita where it is called Kavala Gandusha or Kavala Graha and is claimed to cure about 30 systemic diseases ranging from headache, migraine to diabetes and asthma. Oil pulling has risen from an incomprehensible, ancient Ayurvedic natural remedy technique to an effective self-help nature cure method for restoring and maintaining overall health. The effect of this healing process is developed by the intense movement of oil in the oral cavity. In many chronic disorders and germ-play and inflammatory foci, which tend to stick to the tooth roots. The teeth and their roots extend far into the jaw bone and their cavities. These cavities are the body's own defense system. Microbes that enter the tooth necks in these cavities found in this damp, warm and poorly vascularized environment, the ideal conditions in order to establish itself. It developed what are known as "dental foci" that damage the body with their metabolic products. The immune system is weak, then the herd size and load. Larger lesions are radiographically visible, they not only damage to the teeth and cross-charge your metabolism and the immune system, but rather they also have remote effects on internal organs. Loaded so that each tooth hob tooth a specially assigned to internal organ.



Healthy Eating and Hydration -  



Mind/Spirit Alchemy:  Meditation and Mantra.  I take the opportunity on my drive into work in the morning from the country into the City to turn my radio off, and meditate with Mantra. Basically, I pray and give myself positive affirmation. I claim my blessings from the Universe from God.  This morning I decided to do the hard thing and pray for someone I did not necessarily want to pray for.  It was difficult, but I had to take the act out of it, I had to view this person as a body, and spirit made in God’s image and connected to me and all of us in the fabric of this Universe. This person, whom I have never met, did a heinous thing. I thought If I could learn to pray for those that I have found disgust or anger for, then I have nourished my soul and my God Self as well as theirs. I have added love light and energy to that person, and the fabric as a whole. For truly if a person commits a terrible act they do indeed need Gods love and light to manifest in their lives to open their eyes and hopefully prevent further heinous acts.  I prayed and prayed, and I felt lighter for it. In fact every person I saw on the street, I mentally sent them Gods Love Light and Energy multiplied by a thousand. Everyone I saw. I felt elevated.  My mantra for myself is that I am blessed, thankful, healthy and prosperous. I prayed that God would use me and work through me and manifest in my life today and every day.   That I would have connections, and share the energy love and light.  A message came to me that if I indeed want to heal myself; I have to look outward as well. I have to be engaged and connected and give of myself, and then my true healing will begin. This has been an issue for me. When I feel badly physically, or mentally I go inward, and what I am learning is that this will never provide healing. It will alienate you from others. It will block you from giving and receiving healing energy from others and from God Source. I have to learn to open and go outward, even if that is not what I want to do when I at my lowest. I have to change the conversation that goes in my head, which is not from God Source.  I have to move into the vibration and frequency of love and healing. I will embrace and embody Goddess and the Sacred Feminine.

Tonight I will be attending Energy Healing. Virginia the teacher/healer is amazing. She has healed herself. She has offered to share her wonderful gift with me, and I will make it a priority to learn from this teacher.    

I will share that experience here as well…. Love and Light to you Soul Lights


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The Alchemist Journal

I touched on my Alchemy journey previously, my path to finding or should I say uncovering the Alchemy to create balance for myself in mind body and spirit. I have not written much about it here, but I have been keeping a written journal. I am trying to decide if I will post it here in its entirety, or start a dedicated blog to that. The Alchemy Journal deals a lot with nutrition and making discoveries for my intuitve healing. I guess I am corcerned that it may be even more self serving than anything other feeling or insights I have previously written about. It is dry, and I dont want to bore anyone, but this blog is about my journey, I feel warmed and validated by knowing that occasionally someone reads and or comments on the blog.  On that note I will start publishing my Alchemic Journal the real the raw and I am sure to some mind numbingly boring. Believe me I would even welcome that type of comment feedback, so I can consider moving that information to another venue. I guess my hope is connection, and feedback, and hopefully my journey will resonate with someone else out there.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Autumn Soul Lodge Seats

What a wonderful generous thing for Pixie to do as well as those who donated seats. Please visit Pixie Campbell.com or Soulodge and sign up for a chance to get one of the 11 available seats at no cost.

It's that time again! One of ELEVEN* seats in Autumn SouLodge could be yours. This is going to be a particularly potent season of bringing light to the shadows as the darker seasons close in on us, drawing us inward and slowing us down a bit after Summer's rush.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Friday, August 3, 2012

Bear & Snake Medicine

Amazing,  This was my experience the day after I wrote my last post entitled "The Alchemist" The Universe is calling to me, whispering to my soul to believe in the magic and these little miracles make it very believable. 
I feel my calling in my dreams is to become a healer, of myself and others. I thought to myself that I love the idea of , it has taught me that no matter how confusing it may be to. Due to my emotional issues of feeling nervous, vulnerable, and fearful, about relationships, money, everything. I decided to journey for some answers, and this is the result:

I asked for protection. I asked that a spirit animal meet me on the other side and share its medicine with me, that I need to know what the problem is and help correcting it.  When I entered, I was immediately met with a Bear. The Bear was very angry, he was growling and roaring at me, there would be no touching the Bear, he seemed like an agitated old man I had awoken from a nap.  He wanted me to keep my distance but to follow him.  I followed him for a short bit, to what looked like to me the Appalachian Trail in the Smoky Mountains which I had been to a few weeks prior, suddenly we were at another place again a place I saw on vacation, lush green with a waterfall, it was beautiful, but I thought why is he taking me here.  When we got to the creek/stream at the bottom of the water fall, I remembered that we found a large snake nestled on a rock on vacation. He told me that the snake was there, and he told me to acknowledge Snake. ????? Okay, what does that mean, acknowledge the Snake? So I said I see you Snake, can you share your medicine with me, and it was over…. I came back out.  Again normally I do not try to look up and find out what the animal spirit represents, this time I did. I referred to a Native American guide of spirit animals.  When the Bear appears it is a very powerful symbol, Bear is very powerful, confident, and strong, but the Bear angers easily and has little control over this, wow!  When the Bear appears to you it is stating that you are powerful confident and strong (and I normally am) but when it angers it is out of control of its emotions and it is putting that weakness out there. You need to remember to keep your emotions under control, and remember your strength.  The Snake is referred to, Get This! “The Alchemist” Healer. It represents healing, rebirth, renewal.  The Snake was confirming to me that I am on the right path now with being and Alchemist for my own life.  Amazing! Again, I never cease to be blown away. What does it mean to me when I say I want to be an Alchemist for my life?
  1. I want to heal my body with nature, herbs and good food.
  2. I want to be gentle with myself and stop judging myself meditate, journey, love myself.
  3. Work on the ingredients to get my marriage back to supremely healthy, I think the first 2 ingredients are the recipe for that.  Feeling good about myself and being a better partner.




  

Saturday, July 28, 2012

The Alchemist

I have been away for awhile, too many things going, and  a little too much jumbled in my life. We had a fantastic trip to North Carolina into the most lush and whimsical of places, it truly renewed me, even though I did come back very sick, respiratory issues...We took a 2nd weekend to another magical almost prehistoric place, I love to hike it. We brought our soaps, and lotions to a festival and they did wonderfully. I have a new business venture, which sprung out of seemingly no where, I spoke it in jest and literally 15 minutes later, a partner approached me enthusiastically.  My daughters are going through some wonderful, and some painful transitions that cause me pain, and joy simultaneously, finances are strained which complicates every aspect of my life. So you see from my disjointed writing, my head space, and heart space, are in a jumble. I am very proud of the little business I started with my natural handmade body products, i have faith in them, I birthed and nurtured, and have great pride, and the most joy comes from the experimentation and creation, my family joined in, and we are all working together, they call me their Alchemist, I like that.  I was thinking today that I have to find my peace again, my calm, my connection. I have to become an Alchemist for myself in every aspect of my life. I have to value myself, and heal this recurrent sickness that I have. I have to concoct the ingredients of love, holding on, and letting go. I feel that I learned so much to embrace the light and even the dark, and know it is all part and parcel of my being.     

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

SUMMER SOLSTICE

http://vimeo.com/pixiecampbell/summersolstice

SUMMER SOLSTICE

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Thursday, June 14, 2012

Maybe I should just live the answer

I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
Rilke

Monday, June 11, 2012

Blind

I noticed after I hit the publish button on The Block, and I scrolled to a previous post, and it strikes me that this spoke to me once, perhaps I should say this to myself everyday, because it obviously didnt stick when i initially read it and felt compelled to post it....Perhaps this is my answer, as always at hand, if I will open my eyes and heart

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us. We ask ourselves Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small Does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking So that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, As children do. We were born to make manifest The glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; It’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson

The Block

I have been in a funk lately, the funk you get after a high....the high of awareness, awakening, knowing....the openess, and a door slams shut....it is puzzling because you want to let your soul light shine, you want to connect, share, learn, expand....youve done so much work. .... what is this door slam, this dark. I can only look to self, because only i could have shut the door, blocked the light....I havent been able to wrap my mind around it....it is a puzzle for me to figure out...The blockage seems to have began when I realized that I feel very aware, and have delved deeply into my own psyche my own dark spaces, the triumph of that should leave me energized and connected, but no, I feel calm, at peace, tranquil...the stir was when I asked the question of how I can be aware, awake, spiritual and energized as opposed to totally zen... which is great, but I feel that I need action to propel.... maybe i am overthinking....just the thought the question, has made me delve deeper into a sluggishness. The answer I believe is that my energy is blocked... by things i am still holding onto...namely weight, perhaps my chakra is blocked. I have unresolved relationships, important parental relationships... It was revealed to me that perhaps... I am holding onto the weight (because I do nothing about it even though I desperately want it gone) because it is protecting me from myself, maybe I am fearful of my own power and my own knowledge, maybe wants the light is blinding, and for all to see that I cannot hide anymore, that space of comfort will be forever gone for me.... I must fight this and do the physical work perhaps it will assist to unblock...be my own friend, and do the right thing for my body, my esteem....The other issue is my father....that will be for the next post....it's complicated!      

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

LIMBO

I havent been here in a few weeks, I have been here, I had so much on my mind, a little jumbled, much like now...if you cant tell... I am a little in limbo... Seeking more energy behind my spirituality. Life in general has been good, and relatively calm, but spirit, while strong, needs a jolt, to move, as I feel I must share more of this part of myself. I need my light to shine brighter, more meditation, and action is in order.... I just need to figure out what that means for me.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Soul Light

My writing skills frustrate me a bit, in that it is so difficult to put into words the feelings, the growth, the pain the joy I have experienced over the last few months of my journey, the shining of a light in those dark places, the courage it took, the pain, the exhileration....the payoff.... those dark things lose their power when they are inspected, acknowledged... just that, not necessarily analyzed to death, just acknowledged, viewed from a different angle. The angle of you are part of me...I thought you were something that I must hide away or learn to rid myself of, instead I learned, that you were wrapped in pain and fear, and just wanted to be....seen....and now embraced... In doing that searching.. cleaning those corners, you let the light in, the fears seem to diminish, lose their power of pain, instead they stand tall as teachers... It fascinates me of all the blogs I follow how so many beautiful women, have been called to their Warrior Goddess, and are wading through the same mire, with courage, and learning to fight, love, and give to themselves, so that they may fully show their soul light to others as a beacon of what is..... So many beautiful words, thoughts, ideas, that speak to me so deeply when I read them, writing their story, my story....  It appears obvious to me that we are in the midst of this cosmic shift, that used to cause me fear, but as of late, I feel like, I cannot wait for the culmination of all of the energy, of all of these beautiful soul lights. The warriors, who chose the calling to walk through the despair, and come out on the other side.  One such inspiration:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us. We ask ourselves Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small Does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking So that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, As children do. We were born to make manifest The glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; It’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson

Thursday, May 17, 2012

WHY ME!

I have staved off illness this season so far, the minor usual allergy flare ups that have become a normal part of my life, everyone around me in my office, coughing, hacking, sneezing, I thought I avoided it, but oh no> I am in the throws of this lousy bronchitis, yuck yuck yuck, 4 prescriptions, and in an out of consciousness. Hopefully i will be well by Monday and I will feel wonderful, you know that feeling you get, when you are so sick, and you feel better, it is like oh my God, this feels fabulous, i can take on the world, til then cough, cough, sniffle sniffle.

Monday, May 14, 2012


Sacred Space

Steve & and I had a working vacation of sorts. We have been working diligently on our natural body products, and occasionally we do a show to sell our goods, and network for perspective wholesalers, so maybe just maybe one day i can leave the glory of my corporate job, in my cubicle. We particularly wanted to do this show because it is a location near and dear to our hearts, Bolivar Peninsula Texas Coast. We brought our kids here, spent many a romantic evening here, and even got married here...barefoot on the beach, as the full moon was rising and the purple orange sun was setting. We know its not the most beautiful beach, but it speaks to our spirits. As Steve was surf fishing I took a long walk down the beach, and as the waves lapped at my feet, I giggled, I was transported there immediately, there was my 6 year old (now 22) building her sand castle covered head to toe, rolling around, and then jumping fearlessly into water, she would even want to go in at night, my 13 year old (now almost 28) trying to look cool, in her little too revealing bathing suit. I laughed out loud, and cried at the same time. I remembered standing there, with our family around staring into each others eyes, exchanging those vows next to the sacred salty mother. I have chosen lately to see the magic in every day, and that day, an old friend, a sacred spirit, gave me the gift, of touching my skin with her gentle wave, and saying hey, remember that day, remember that feeling, that energy that you left here on me, and I saved it for you.... The beauty of that magic. The magic that I get to have this human experience in such a tangible yet unimaginable way, and I thanked her for the gift that she has given me and my family throughout the years, and I asked her to share our energy with all who walk there.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Lightning Medicine Cloud

This is so extremely sad. It happened about 20 miles east of where I life.

 Lightning Medicine Cloud, a white buffalo, was born onto Arby Little Soldier’s Lakota Ranch with great ceremony. Now, at just under one-year-old, the sacred and rare calf is dead. Authorities believe the animal and his mother were intentionally killed. Lightning Medicine Cloud’s father had been killed by a lightning strike last month. A one-year birthday party was planned for Lightening Medicine Cloud for next week. The event will continue as a memorial. The Hunt County Sheriff and the Texas Rangers are searching for the person or people who killed the two animals. “We are investigating all three deaths at the Lakota Ranch here,” said Sheriff Randy Meeks.

As legend goes, chances are one in 10 million that a white buffalo will ever enter this world. The white buffalo was born on May 12 last year during the intense power of a driving thunderstorm. The white buffalo was born on Arby Little Soldier’s ranch in Hunt County. Little Soldier is part Mandan Indian, part Lakota; he says he is also a great grandson of Sitting Bull. While all the other buffaloes on Little Soldier’s ranch belong to him, he said the white one belongs to all people and nations. He believes, and custom dictates, that the animal’s existence is a powerful message, but its meaning is not yet known. A rare white buffalo calf regarded as sacred by Lakota Sioux tradition has officially been named at a ceremony. The name Lightning Medicine Cloud is also a tribute to the first known white buffalo in Texas born in 1933. Lakota Sioux tradition holds that Whope (HOH’-pah), the goddess of peace, once appeared in the form of a white buffalo calf. Little Soldier says the buffalo represents hope for all nations and races. “The message that was brought here to this ranch, he brought strong and it will carry on.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Panic

Panic attacks are strange things, irrational things, i guess that is what happened to me yesterday, and I am not at all sure had 100% to do with my root canal, i was still freaking out, with the gas, ha! the music seemed eerie, for some reason Sister Christian playing in my semi passed out state, with my dentist whistling to it, kinda creeped me out... but no pain, and knock on wood still no pain... i will go back for part 2 in a couple of weeks, but I am fine. My poor husband trust my intuition so much that even though he was re assuring me and telling me I was being silly, was on pins and needles the whole time, my phone rang, ignored about 3 times him wanting to make sure I was okay, and that I did not slip in to permanent lala land or something... Other things happened yesterday that were upsetting and made me angry at myself and embarrassed, those things from the recent past that i handled in the wrong way, coming back to bite me... anyway, i am a little melancholy over it, i obsess a little and need to give myself a bit of a break, but I need to examine why i did what i did, and hopefully not fall into the same trap i set for myself again in the future. It is affecting to a small degree the growth of my company or at least making me question myself, this to will pass, but I will work to be a more responsible, especially financially responsible adult....

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Nerves!

I am finally going to have my root canal today. It is so strange, I mean no one likes going to the dentist...I dont think...I have had one before, and it wasnt that huge a deal, but for some reason right now with my appt just a couple of hours away, I am racked with a case of nerves, I feel shaky, queasy, and just plain nervous, i cant think straight, again so strange. I have never had this reaction before going to the dentist....Wish me luck...

Friday, April 27, 2012

ENERGY

I have been keenly aware for quite some time, of how other peoples energy affects me, as well as the fact that while I am low key and pretty calm, my energy, especially negative, agressive energy affects those around me. I will admit, that I have done it intentionally in the past...as an introvert in my younger days, with a bit of a temper, but very shy. I did not want to speak my mind...I would hold things inside, to the point that i could create a real palpable heaviness in the air...After realizing i could do this, i actually now use it...very rarely I guess in a rather passive agressive way, I am now very verbal, and undertand the value of what I have to say, but I have instances, when in a meeting for instance or in a room with an obnoxious, insulting person, I can turn it on.. and I have literally seen people trying to figure out why they are sweating, or the air feels heavy and stuffy.. Im just sayin...The bad part is, that I am really hurt or upset I cant help it, and people around me sense it...My husband says he cant even sleep when I am hurting or upset because there is a thickness, hardness in the air that creates anxiety...My point is that while I do this, I am also extremely sensitive to other peoples energy...My husband is a like a light beacon of energy, people gravitate to him like he is a damn battery, haha....which is fine when he is feeling good, which is most of the time, but when he is angry, hurt, or depressed, it is so difficult for me... I feel nauseated, I feel like i cant breath...I hate when he is hurt or angry...I must learn to deal with this, and in 15 years, i still havent figured out how. I have removed myself from the situation, which makes him feel abandoned...and I have tried reason, I think remaining calm, and moving into the calm place, and smudging seems to help....I am good, things are good...just pondering...one of the mysteries in my life....

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

PERSEPHONE

I had a most interesting Tarot Reading from Steve. It is always so on, and the Empress always shows up. It was very deep, and moving, it elluded to the fact that a birthing is taking place, that I am in the womb, and soon I will face Persephone, and will come to the edge of what that entails, and will soon know what my purpose is, she will come to me in a vision, dream, or life changing experience, and there will be no doubt at that point what the creation of this birthing is....very deep, a little unsettling, but that is what this journey is about, as though I am a pioneer heading off into the frontier of my soul, and my connections, to reach even further the level of conciousnesness I seek. It appears there may be some more beasties to deal with on this journey...I will be courageous and know the the path, and pain or joy associate is parcel and part, a necessity, and maybe a reward....and on a lighter note, but just as exciting it appears that perhaps the growth of my creative baby, will grow as well....success and enlightenment on the road that lays before me...I will walk into the darkness knowing that the road of God's love and light rise up to meet me....

Oil Pulling Update

Well, I took a break for a few days from oil pulling. I am having tooth issues (unrelated to oil pulling) I need a root canal, stat! The main reason I took a break from the oil pulling, I am unsure if it was related to the Oil Pulling but I have had a lingering sore throat, perhaps allergies, but I stopped and the sore throat went away. I will start it again.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Inspiration

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane
by those who could not hear the music.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Thursday, April 19, 2012

My Tare Bear

I have many animals that I share my life with. Some I have had, and some I have inherited from my aunts. My aunts rescue animals, and are strong animal advocates. I now have the privelege of caring for and loving these angels. I do believe that they are angels, I believe they are closer to God then humans. They are pure, giving, loyal, I could go on, and on.... One of my dogs, I call Tare Bear is a cow dog, I inherited her when she was 13, she is now 16. Tare Bear is very special, she is (was) as playable as a pup, always had a smile on her face, always greeted me in the morning. She was happy, and loyal every single day of her life, I aspire to be more like her. My (Our) sweet Tare Bear turned 16 years old this week, and with that, the love I hoped would pass gently, has been struck with an ailment, which is not improving. She still eats, and still wants to give and receive affection. Last evening, she could barely move. Tare Bear eats only dog food, and gets an occasional treat, but last night, as her days are truly short, and it is her birthday week, she received grilled chicken, sweet potatoes, and a blueberry muffin, she scarfed them down, as I stroked her fur, and affirmed to her... as I always do, that she is an incredible dog, and being, and so loved... I am somewhat new to animal medicine, but anyone who has read my blog, should realize that this is the path that speaks to me. I felt compelled to ask for help from my animal guides, animal spirit, and their medicine. I got my sage, my feather, my rose quartz. I sat next to Tare and I held the Rose quartz to my body and visualized infusing it with my love, with light, with a picture of how i have come to love her, see her, at her best and most healthy, the sweet moments..... I placed the Rose Quartz in her water bowl... I saged her, as I asked animal spirit to be with me, to please show Tare the highest esteem, and love. To cloak her in warm light of love, to take away any pain and fear she may be feeling, to honor her...as I was asking this, I cried as I heard Coyotes nearby start howling...as if acknowledging that they heard my plea and prayer....Again I am new to a full embrace of medicine. I touched my smudging feather to Tare, and for some reason, I wanted her to breathe her essence on it. I went inside, and immediately I was exhausted and felt sick... I smudged myself and went to sleep....I can say goodbye, tearfuly, but knowing that she understands, what she means, what it means... and I hope one day....I can embody her wonderful spirit....I love you Tare....keep smiling...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Random Beauty

Amy Cook "Hotel Lights" from Kelly Kerr on Vimeo.

Warrioress Soul Prompt

Please click the title for a link to: The Sacred Life of Rain, her soul prompts are such a mirror. Rain has a beautiful soul prompt on blurting, and a beautiful response to my blurting:
My Soul Prompt Blurt:
When will I stop comparing my journey to others, I know spirtitually, and when I am in my higher self that we our of course on different paths with different lessons, but an emotional child side of me sometimes envies the climes reached by some in what seems like a short time, and others I question how it is that they have not seemingly moved at all. So wrong of me, and something I am working on, living in my own moment, with my own lessons, and knowing that for me they are gratifying and monumental, I want to linger a little longer in that state of grace, and not compare...just be..

Repliesrain ::Apr 18, 2012 11:37 AM
just be...sometimes the simplest and yet most challenging thing. rest here, friend. we can all 'be' together.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

RUMI- Inspiration

Come, come, whoever you are.
Wanderer, worshipper, lover of living, it doesn’t matter
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come even if you have broken your vow a thousand times,
Come, yet again, come, come.

Rumi

Monday, April 16, 2012

OIL Pulling

Oil Pulling, is said to have many, many benefits, too many to list but basically, as I am sure most of you know...Oil pulling is an ancient practice dating back thousands of years in India, for organ health, mouth health etc...You may pull with many types of oil, sesame, olive, coconut, etc... You take a tablespoon, into your mouth preferably on an empty stomach when you rise, swish, the oil in your mouth and between your teeth for 10-20 minutes, this can be difficult the first few times, but if you distract yourself, shower, computer, tv it is much easier. Spit the oil out in a waste basket or toilet, because it will clog your sink. The purpose of oil pulling is to enter your system sublingually, (under your tongue) without being denegrated by your stomach acid. It is said to you many benefits for your glands, organs,joints (arthritis) and mouth/teeth. It is important that you do not swallow the oil, due to the toxins it is pulling out of your mouth and system.

I will document my experience with Oil Pulling. I started Oil Pulling (4) days ago. What I have noticed is a signifigant decrease in tooth and gum sensitivity, teeth and mouth feel very clean (oil dissolves tartar on your teeth) I am please with that aspect, as my tooth sensitivity since getting a root canal has been very bothersome. I will keep you posted.

Friday, April 13, 2012

A FEW ODD THINGS ABOUT ME!

I like:

To eat dark chocolate while I am drinking coffee, but I dont like chocolate coffee.
I like to each cheese but only by itself. I do not like it on anything else, i.e. burgers, sandwiches etc...
I go into a tail spin with change, any kind of change. It puzzles my family when something wonderful happens to me, i seem upset, and a little withdrawn, it's a crazy process people, when my little world gets turned upside down.
People that cant anywhere on time, cause me extreme anxiety, and I am not even type A.
I attract, and I am attracted to people that are my extreme opposite. I think I am so low key, and laid back that i need some spice of passion and craziness. haha

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

The Medicine Bag & Rose Quartz


I have been so extremely busy, in a good way over the last few weeks. Developing new natural products for my line, and travelling to Round Top Warrenton. If you are unfamiliar that will need a post of its own. It is basically a twice a year 2 week event of vendors, art, antiques, crafts, food, junk etc... spanning 3 towns and is pretty much world famous among purveyors of such.... We went because Steve was setting up there with our Art, junk, and body products, I went to see him, and choose a more fitting space for our debut of product there in September 2012, which we did acomplish, had some really wonderful experiences, and met some really great people as we always do, Steve my hubby experiences this life, as I want him to, I wish I could do the Gypsy thing full time, but for now it is the cubicle...Several interesting things happened which i will blog about in the near future, but namely, I have been wanting a medicine bag for many months now, I saw many, and contemplated making my own, but I had an idea in my head that I wanted a man I met over a year ago named Hans to make my bag, he does wonderful leather work, and he is one of the most amazing gentle souls I have ever met. I had no real way to get in touch with Hans, I didnt have his cell, and he is on the road alot. and lives several hours from me. I kept thinking I would be patient and I would meet him again, keep in mind, I mentioned the largeness.... of this show, many thousand vendors, and tens of thousands of people. My first trip there, on the first day, I was walking in one of the fields, when low and behold, there he was....Hans...what are the odds. I hugged him we caught up, and I set about choosing the bag that spoke to me, and it did, the perfect bag. I bought the bag, and put white sage and rose quartz in it, i will let it and my heart choose the contents over time....I am really drawn to Rose Quartz, I didnt used to be, but it wants to be in my life, and I now have an afinity for it...I mean I would by an antique box, and find rose quartz etcc... I have many pieces now, and none of them have I purchased, they just found there way to me. I cant ignore that....So while at Round Top, I met a new friend my hubby made, he had a lot of amazing things, fossils, gems, stones, shells, sage..... He had rose quartz carved in the shape of a heart.... I picked the perfect one, that really spoke to me. I took it home, and held it, rubbed it, imagined it illuminated with God Light, and while holding it, I had a thought that I was to give this quartz to my friend. I didnt know why, and was resistant because I really liked it. I told Steve I feel like I am supposed to give this to her, but I dont know why...She is American Indian, but she has no real belief in things like the healing properties of Rose Quartz....I came back to work after my trip, I asked her if she like Rose Quartz, she did not know what it was, which also made me hesitant in giving it to her, she loves pink though,haha. anyway....I went home and held it in my hands, I actually felt my heart pulsing in to the Rose Quartz it was amazing. I came back to work, and she told me about a very traumatizing event that occurred with her family, she was extremely upset, heartsick, humiliated... It has caused a huge casm in her marriage and family relationships, I could see now why I was supposed to give her the Rose Quartz.... even though conciously I had no idea before. I have now given her the crystal and told her of its abilities. I told her to keep it next to her heart, under pillow or in her hand. She is in extreme distress over these matters of the heart, and I am hopeful that this powerful little stone will give her comfort. I know it wants to, it wanted to go to her...Another good sign, when I gave it to her is that she put it in her bra next to her heart, lol! So amazing...mineral spirit at work....

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Spring

I love Spring, to me the year doesnt really begin until Spring, I feel very dysfunctional during Winter, Spring with a warm sun and cool breeze on skin, getting caught in the odd rain storm. My garden is almost ready for planting. Tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, beans, okra, basil, rosemary, definitely, a small garden, but I squeeze a lot in. I have space for a large garden, but raised bed is the way to go, and relatively small, unless you have a large family, requires so much less watering. My creative juices are flowing with the the excitement I have about my natural line of body products. Restraint though is key, I give a good long marinade in the ideas, scents, textures etc...Our days have been in the mid to high 80's of late, does make me a little nervous about whats to come in summer.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Slippery Hill Revisited!

I now realize fully what my experience with deer and owl represented, along with the mossy hill...it was my anxiety, the anxiety I get when I am attempting to deal with any sort of change, I get anxious and blind to the fact that I dont have to respond this way...that...I can keep my mind open and know there is always a different path i can choose. The owl circling above me was trying to tell me that I continue to do the same things over and over again, namely my responses to new information and change, it was telling me to use my compassion and intuition to change this pattern. I have made a concerted effort to not force these things...to just let them unfold to me. I am a research geek, and a bit obsessive so it is a challenge to let these things play out in their own way, and in their own time, but it is so rewarding, because it has become clear to me, that animal medicine will never give you a message that will not be clear or become clear to you, sometimes in the most unorthodox ways, and I know there is magic in this, because it just validates in every way that we posess and have at our reach everything we need to heal ourselves and know ourselves with the help of nature, and all the spirits we are connected to. I just wanted to share.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Great Wisdom

Great Wisdom from a true Warrior Poet-

We are warriors true, and we are women - wildernesses unto ourselves, turbulent and vast. As much as I appreciate and admire the masculine spirit and energy, there is a deep-rooted, seed-and-sky, earth-and-water, fire-and-light THING that women possess (can I get an AMEN), that is a massive, earth-shaking strength, and must never be construed otherwise. ~ Shawnacy Kiker

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Warrioresses

Wow! How moving. I love this.  Rain's site is so thoughtful, and thought provoking. Just what I need now.
the sacred life: soul prompts for warrioresses: Welcome to the official page  of Soul-Stirring Prompts for Warrioresses!  

Slippery Hill

I have not been here in a while. I am in one of those phases again. I dont feel like myself, I feel totally....out of whack.... Like you put me in a body I dont recognize. I feel sluggish, tired, emotional...sick..I have not been honoring my body, i have been dwelling in it, like an uncomfortable...sack over me, feeling confined, and not knowing which way to turn, not knowing if I am feeling sick, allergies, strange body pains, etc... and it is making me emotional, or the other way around... Eating comfort foods, that give me no comfort, and make me more uncomfortable in my body...My little joy lately has been in my "soap lab" concocting new potions for my little business with my family/partners. That gives me satisfaction... but tires me as well... My job has a cloud of uncertainty and opression over it... am I blowing things out of porportion, or not... hmmm...Yesterday I decided I would attempt to journey for help, answers...even though I was very tired, and my head was not completely clear. After finally finding my place to be, in my office, lights off, down comforter on a hard floor, pillows, and a chenille throw over me. I started a drumming CD, and lay there, fighting to get to the entry point of the under world, seeking my escape, and deperately searching for a little guidance. I asked to meet a guide, and receive medicine. It took me a while to quiet my mind sufficiently to achieve the goal. What would my entry point be, a magical place, that gives me a child like joy, a very old large cedar tree, at the Guadalupe River, an amazing tree, my husband has to pull me away from each time. it mystifies and facinates, for not only is this tree ancient, and narly, its roots, oh those roots, on that hill that goes down to the river, unbelievably, a spring of water pours out of this tree coming from the roots like fountain of life, the life blood and heartbeat of this magical tree.... I decide I will enter into the base of this tree, into an opening between those large finger roots. As much as I love it, it is an effort to stay in the moment. I must smell, feel, believe. I enter, I breathe in the dank earth, the damp, the moss, on the other side of the opening, I see the spring water creating a water fall of sorts. I throw my head back, and let it wash over me, as I enter the other side, lingering for a moment, but on the other side, not the river, not the Texas landscape familiar to me, the rocks, the river, it is instead a lush Northwest looking forest, everything lush and dripping, covered in a vibrant, living breathing moss. Waiting for me, a deer, we look at each other, it allows me to stroke its antlers, and back, we walk down a path together, side by side. We reach a mossy hill, I look up and see there is another path, I try to climb the steep hill, as deer just watches, I slide down the mossy hill on the steep embankment. Thinking maybe deer will try, or perhaps, deer will bring another guide to carry me up, to assist, but deer waits patiently until, I accept that I cannot on my own, climb up this hill. Deer looks to my left, and walks, in what appeared to be a valley to me, I follow deer, and see that a short walk away there is a small embankment narrower easier to cross, we step up onto the path, that before was so inaccessible, is now so simple. I see owl in a tree as we begin to walk down the path, I asked the owl if it has any medicine for me, owl, just begins to spread its massive wings and glide, it follows with us along the trail for a short while, and starts flying over me in circle, rapidly, and then I am back in my office, drinking it in...was deer telling me that I am making things too hard.. that i am creating this difficulty for myself, or is he telling me that I need to change the way I am doing things, and find another path of less resistance, i am pondering exactly what the slippery hill is, as at this point, it represents a few things for me.....I believe Owl must have been telling me to trust my vision, my intuition. Lots to ponder...