Thursday, October 4, 2012
I have always been a very very compassionate person, I would say almost to a fault. I ache and hurt for the hurt, the wronged the misunderstood, man or beast...When I was a small child about 4 years old, I distinctly remember feeling that even inanimate objects were living things, and I often wondered if they felt? and if so what did they feel, sad, happy, etc... I was lucky as a pre teen my wise grandmother told me that I should always view my compassion as a gift, that i should embrace it. She told me a story about when she was young, and she shared my level of compassion, as she became a young adult, she felt that her compassion made her too weak and vulnerable for a harsh world. She told me that she prayed daily that God please take her compassion away so that she did not hurt so much, she did not want her compassion because she saw it as weakness, she said eventually, she noticed that her prayer was answered, she felt different, colder, less caring..She told me that would give anything to have it back, because she missed the warmth of it, the depth of feeling. I listened to her, and compassion has not always served me, but I never forgot what she said. As I get older I am still as compassionate, but I have learned to protect my heart for the most part. I now love that I am compassionate. It burns, but the burn is warmth. I am looking for ways to use my compassion to actually affect change. I do a lot with animals, but I want to make more of a difference, I was given this compassion for a reason, and I believe the reason should have some postive action attached to it. I am trying to figure that out, and will post it here.