Tuesday, July 23, 2013


I have been generally aware of my Chakras as a whole during meditation. I have never worked individually on my chakra, or been completely aware of their individual purpose and meaning. For those of you with a developed deep awareness of this, this post will not hold much interest for your I am sure. My first short meditation started with my Sacral Chakra located a few inches below your navel. This Chakra is orange.

Here is just a litttle information with regard to what the Sacral Chakra controls:

When in balance the sacral chakra offers us; Self Respect, self esteem, confidence in our abilities, a sense of freedom.
Imbalances are caused by restriction, Withdrawn behaviour/wanting to withdraw, destructive feelings, dependency, waiting, Low self esteem, low sex drive, difficulty communicating with other people (particularly the opposite sex). Denial of pleasure (not just sex), Martyr behaviour.

When I started working on the sacral chakra, it felt like quite the accident, no intention initially, and it was brief. I visualized the orange disc, spinning, I noticed it was spinning very slowly, it was a dull orange color, a little muddy. Following a guided meditation I pictured the SC and imagined it enveloped in light, white light, the green light of healing, a violet light, a golden light, and back to a white light. The meditation was dealing with intimate relationship with your partner, as well as relationship to money, I was interested in this due to the fact that I have a tendency to push money away on some level, which goes back to my Deserve Post. I realized that it also goes back to a vulnerability. You really cannot in my opionion experience an acceptance of affection, and abundance without a degree of vulnerability, and perhaps a childlike ability to not question whether you are worthy. I knew the sacral chakra dealt with relationships to a degree, and issues surrounding those relationships.  I am sorry to again be so lengthy and rambly here, but on I go, and I must back up a bit. There have been many changes in my work environment new people on board that i do not mesh well with, to the point of me putting up a wall and building resentment towards others as I found their energy and way of being off putting. It was likely uncomfortable for everyone as I limited my interaction. It made me angry at myself that i chose my old "shut down" method of dealing, but their energy seemed so strong and agressive that i felt assaulted by it.  Okay now I am getting to the point here.  After spending that brief 15 minutes meditating and working on my sacral chakra, i came to work the very next day, and through no consciouss decision on my own, i felt a lightness, like magic all those resentments, anger, heaviness had somehow fallen away. I not only dropped all those walls and feelings, i actually let them see me, and let myself truly see them. The only thing I can attribute this to, was my brief work on the sacral C, healing those wounds that were there already, letting myself be vulnerable and trusting that my energy was strong enough, and light enough to not be damaged by others. 

I want to do more intense work on my chakra, using crystal healing, as well as essential oils to maximize. 

I am really interested in literally getting to the root. I have started working on my root chakra, and will spend a good amount of time on this, as I truly do want to deal with issues that are holding me back, and welcome abundance and trust into my life. My work started this weekend, getting back into nature, mountain biking.  I will discuss the Root Chakra next post.

Saturday, July 6, 2013


Do something or have or show qualities worthy of (reward or punishment).

There are still many shadows I hold that are perhaps unresolved. This creates confusion for me in the sense of questioning my needs and wants, against the rest of society.  For instance, I feel a sense of entitlement is wrong. 

Which leads to question what the real difference is between a sense of entitlement, and a sense of deserving. Many times in my life i have struggled and fought for certain things. I am talking about basics of living a simple life, with a reliable vehicle, a modest home, consistency for my children etc....Perhaps at those times I have thought damn it, I deserve this.  One time that particularly springs to mind, would be when my very old car, which was slowly falling apart, finally had the air go out.  I was driving this car, in Texas heat 100 mile round trip per day, just dying. 

I finally got fed up, and realized and said to myself I absolutely deserve a decent vehicle that is comfortable with air condition, pretty basic right. 

It really takes me feeling beat down, over worked, and emotionally drained to get to a point of feeling that I am deserving. I had people in my past tell me that it appeared to them that I had a self loathing going on, wherein i felt like I did not deserve anything, and that i would more often than not, settle.....

This is a new day, but again those shadows, and triggers still pop up. I have noticed that people i have met and know that appear to have a sense of "entitlement" generally have their needs met. They never question if they deserve anything, it is a given.  

I thought I had resolve this issue in my mind, something I have been working on. Not asking my self if i deserve something. 

Oddly enough, in the silliest way, it popped up again, and it made me mad at myself, and again is so puzzling to me. 

I saw a contest to win a trip to Australia. I don't normally enter contest, but I thought what the heck. To my surprise, it was a more than provide your information contest. They wanted to you write an essay about why you think you deserve this trip. 

I stared at the question, my heart and brain locked up. Hmmm.....well I started writing and it felt so fake, I finally realized, that I don't deserve this trip, but why dont I deserve this trip, my mind starts racing, and I thought, there is a soldier out there, whose dream is to go to Australia, there is a family here and perhaps they havent seen their Australian family in years,  There is a dying person that wants nothing more than to spend time there, there is a extremely charitable, giving, selfless person that deserves this, and I am none of those people.  Needless to say it became clear to me that I had no business entering the contest.  

I have always wanted to go to Australia, but deserve????? Why is that such a huge word to me. I dont like the word, it kind of excludes us who feel that life is not about deserve. I don't  like it, because it makes me question something i dont want to question. Perhaps if I felt like I deserve, I would see more abundance in my life........

I guess what I am getting at here, is the weight of that word, and does it weigh on other people the way it does on me, and should it??? Should I accept that it is not about deserve, or should I learn that perhaps I need to learn to re define that word. 
This seems like something that should be so elementary, but I cannot really get a good grasp on it. Like something is missing in my genetic make up. Would love your imput. 

Sorry for the long rambly post about something so trivial, but keeps coming up for me.