Saturday, December 29, 2012

Papi & The Buddha

My favorite little cuddle buddy. My handsome little papi. I was thinking this morning about the fact that even though I am not Buddhist, but do appreciate and try to practice a Buddhist philosophy, I have a shit load of Buddhas, they give me a since of calm and peace. Can someone have to many Buddha's? What does any of that have to do with my cuddle buddy. Papi is the most multi faceted dogs I have ever known. He is a flirt, he has a sense of fairness, a since of little Alpha authority, confidence, a wicked sense of humor, and he is very introspective, and in fact he may very well be a Buddhist. You see when he was a wee pup, I came home one day, I noticed his 8 inch tall new puppy self standing in front of my 3 foot tall Buddha, as I approached I noticed that Papi had given an offering to Buddha, I was not pleased, I was very angry, now years later, and not long after the fact it makes me laugh hard at the thought of it.. You see Papi had somehow backed himself up at least a foot onto the Buddha, and left a steaming prize right dead center in the Buddha's hands. It struck me later that he really put a lot of effort, for either dog laughs, or giving the only offering he had... I am taking pics of all my Buddha's today. I love them. The broken Buddha head is one of the oldest one I have, Steve's uncle got him back in the 50's or 60's, and it is the one that Papi....favored....and he was broken during a move. He always looks like he is in nirvana, and will open his eyes at any moment... I love it.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas Morning, Like no other

I suppose I have staved this off for longer than many. My daughters are 22 and 28 years old. Neither are married or have children. Even though they live on their own, I always make them come over Christmas Eve, and spend the night, so we can celebrate Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning and make our family rounds.

My older daughter Setara now has a fiance and a new home, she lives in Texas but they travel to Los Angeles to spend time with his family for 10 days over Christmas and New Years.

My youngest daughter, just has a busy lifestyle so we Celebrated our Christmas on Sunday. This is the first Christmas that I have woken up, to a dark quiet house with no plan, no excitement, no activity. Dont get me wrong it sounds depressing, but it is just different. I suppose these are usually the gaps filled in by grand children, i have not been in a hurry for them, but I am sure for some this quiet can get deafening. I dwell and revel in the quiet, but there is indeed a touch of sadness this morning...

But I will not do guilt, or sadness, as a mother can, I will do joy, and open arms and do what is right for you always.

A storm rolled in over night, all night....I think a blast of cold and perhaps snow will follow.

I may not always be the compass for my loves, but I will always be their rock.

This will be a self care Christmas I believe...

Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas

I wish you all many blessings, peace and joy.

Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart…filled it, too, with melody that would last forever.
Bess Streeter Aldrich

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Release Renew

We had a wonderful time last evening with our Winter Solstice tradition. Steve built a fire in the old outdoor iron stove. Dinner chili, corn cakes, and wine.  We wrote down the things we wanted to let go of, and not drag with us into the new year.  My bundle was smaller this year, is that a good thing?  Red bundles, full of intentions, with offerings of chamomile sage and tobacco. wrapped with hemp twine. My mother, Steve and I. Each talked about our hopes, our fears, our goals, our releasing...and placed them into the fire, with a prayer to the universe...

I have to be honest, it is so strange, on the Solstice, I start getting excited in the morning, a euphoric feeling. Like this time, the morning was just breaking, on the horizon of trees in black, with a sliver of orange behind them, to greet the gray blue, I immediatly thought of that Cat Stevens Song, which is actually an old Scottish hymal "Morning has Broken"

I am euphoric throughout the day, and every year I come home, and the energy in my home is all wrong, not normal, charged with frustration and anxiety. Steve and I both, something will happen, an aggravation with what should be simple task, a is really odd, and I cant seem to figure it out, it is like a culmination before the release...because I tell you, it all ceases, and normal calm returns when we start to fill our bundles.. Maybe it is everything rising in us that we are thinking of letting go of.. It just happens each time, and appears to be more than just coincidence. Just (2) of my many pups to snuggle with.


Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Winter Solstice

Last fm winterbeats (credit)

I am so looking forward to celebrating Winter Solstice, in our small but meaningful way. We will light a fire in the old iron hand built outdoor stove. I will make a dinner that is warm and satisfying. We will in quiet contemplation choose the things we wish to release and let go of. Things we dont want to continue to carry with us. We will put tiny pieces of paper with those intentions in our cloth bundles, with our flower and tobacco offerings, and we will talk about what it means to us, and what our hope is for ourselves, for each other, for the future. We will place our release bundle in the fire.. and let it burn clean....

My beliefs are very complicated, and I am good with would be difficult to make many people understand that...It is really sad to me that there are so many people in my life, work etc... that I could not mention this to without some back lash... I choose to keep it to myself and my family. It is not anti God, or anti Christ...It is a celebration...I have a Buddhist philosophy, but would not call myself a Buddhist, I believe in a creator, and Christ, but I will not call myself a Christian, I pay homage to mother earth but will not call myself a Pagan. I refuse to label myself, it has taken me a lifetime to come to know that It really only has to be okay with my spirit, and that gives me great peace and understanding.

I am sure some of you may be baffled by the statement of back lash, but I live in the Bible Belt.


Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Buzzard Tree

We spent a wonderful time camping with friends this weekend, and while hiking a trail, my friend John, said look, I feel so sorry for buzzard trees. I said "a buzzard tree?" I looked and saw a tree covered with hovering large black buzzards, he said the buzzards have to live somewhere, but the tree is sacrificed, it dies from the acidic putrified droppings. I had never heard of a buzzard tree, or knew this information. I was a bit mesmerized by it, and hiked back to take pictures, the next morning. They were waiting, it was dark, and haunting. The pictures I took appear black and white, but they were taken in color, just a gray sky morning, winter trees, and black buzzards.  I found a poem, when I came home and typed in buzzard tree.

The Buzzard Tree

The buzzard tree stands forlorn
Of leaves and small branches shorn
Crafted by nature, stark and bare
With no life here to share
Draped in moss through which the wind blows free
Stirring as though life's in this tree
Branches twisted and broken fingers reaching
Once a mighty oak, long departed
By nature haunted
Casting off bark and limbs
Until only there are maggots within
Feasting on the pulp of yesteryear
Gnawing away the last substance dear
Until in a final act of the Almighty
The tree comes down with a crash.

Does anybody hear or even care?
Sidi Mathrow -

Friday, December 14, 2012

The Thing I Seek

My journey over my lifetime, and especially this year has been at times too slow, too fast, too painful, joyous, heartbreaking, affirming, fleeting, and at the same time just right at all times. The more I traverse, these hills and valleys the more I realize they are such a necessary part of the plan. I have admonished myself for comparing my journey to others, I know this is fruitless, but it falls back to an insecurity, of believing that I am taking too long to reach the awareness I seek. I am learning to trust myself deeply, to know that I am where I am supposed to be, and each of our journey's are sacred and individual even if that differs drastically from my perception. I am starting to see that I truly already possess that thing I seek, that awareness, that must be slowly uncovered like a treasure. I will stumble, I will fall, I will doubt, but I will not stop digging, and I will always get back up. I will continue to seek connection with kindreds, and know that I am whole, and enough. That my truth and answers are ancient and sacred and waiting to be uncovered, which allows me to enjoy connection and learn in a light way of being that i can travel this path, and admire the fruit, and appreciate its offering. That its okay to seek a lamp light occasionally, and be gentle with myself, and hopefully be a lamp light and safe place for someone else's journey.    

I hope you will go out and let stories happen to you, and that you will work them, water them with your blood and tears and you laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Est├ęs Women who run with Wolves. Wild Woman Archetype

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Sage & Blue

I got a lot accomplished today, with regard to my two Etsy shops and listings, everything else, not so much, other than a little nuzzling with some of my favorite little creatures, my boy goats Sage & Blue. 

Friday, December 7, 2012

The Mantra

A new whispering -

The Mantra

I am blessed

I am Thankful

I am Grateful

I am Prosperous

I am Loved

I Love myself

I Love my life

She speaks rubbing and grating against flesh bone, and blood
She speaks words and thoughts that defy what the world has taught her

She speaks truth that feels like lies.
She speaks until the soul convinces the flesh blood, and bone
that she speaks the truth, THE TRUTH

She speaks until flesh, blood and bone know and embrace the Souls Truth
All souls truth.

The truth of I AM.

Lisa H.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Girl Sinking - Girl Rising

When I was a child, which sounds even strange to write, because quite frankly I never really felt like a child. I always felt like an adult. Not in a jaded kind of way, but in an introspective, melancholy way.  I had many imaginary friends, not a lot of real ones. I liked music that was slow and sad, and longing. I liked sitting alone and listening to it from age 4 on up. I have almost a full recollection of my life since age 2. I felt the need for melancholy, I liked sad dark things. Perhaps a carry over for something I wasn’t quite ready to let go of from a past life.
I had dreams of some of those lives, one was a re occurring nightmare of my drowning… I was dressed in garb perhaps from the 1600-1700’s. They started when I was a toddler and did not stop until I was an adult. Every night the same dream awakened the same way.

I was apparently on a row boat on a boat in a body of water, perhaps a small lake or something bigger. I cannot see faces; it starts with me being lowered into the water, on my back, with a weight of something on my chest to assure that I sank.

I was on my back; I could see sun light through the water, only my legs free. I was sinking sinking sinking, until I was almost at the bottom. I brought my legs up straight high up in the air, and brought them down in an attempt to right my upper body,  I woke up doing this in my bed, I would bring my legs up, and down, and propel my body up, and wake in terror. Every single night…. Oddly even though I could not see who was doing this to me, I did not feel like I was being murdered, I felt like they had to do it, and did not want to???? I always thought perhaps they thought I was a witch.

The last time I had the dream would be when I married (too young) and moved to my new home with my new husband, and had my daughter Setara. I love my daughters and would not trade them for anything in the world, they are my heart, but I always had an aversion to having children prior to having one.

Many many years later perhaps 20 years later, someone told me that I could probably have the front part of that dream if I wanted to…. That very night after not having the dream for so long. I received a gift, the front part of the dream.

The dream we are getting in the boat, I can see their faces, but I do not recollect them after waking. Perhaps two men a woman and myself. They are crying and I am comforting them, telling them it will be okay, that they have to do this….They do not want to, but know they must….

I am young, I am unwed, and I am pregnant. My pregnancy and circumstances would have led to destruction for myself and my family. I asked them to do this. I wake as I am being lowered into the water. I felt no terror; I felt sadness for them that they had to do this thing, to let me go, to sacrifice me as it were at my behest….

I told another friend of mine that the original dreamed stopped when I married. He said no Lisa the dreamed stopped when you had your baby…. I think he was right.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences with such…