Sharing my ongoing Earthwalk journey. Revealing my truth.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
I sometimes feel that I spend so much time planning, calculating, thinking about the future that I sometimes forget to be in the moment, or to just get lost in a moment, but maybe that is the way it should be, if we spend every moment in the moment, perhaps we would not realize or experience that "moment" that simple rapturous moment colliding with the simplest and purest of moments..The ones that remind us what is so important, so important that I hope when I ascending to that next plane of being, it will be the moment and feeling that replay. I have gone through extended periods of living in the now, and it is gratifying, but it can be elusive to the point where it felt accidental and you are not sure how to get back there, until something, or someone jolts you into it. I had a moment like that on Thanksgiving. My sister and I love each other, but we have never been overly affectionate, and have rarely understood each other. We are opposites in every way. She is animated, and funny, bubbly, never stops moving, and no insult to her because believe me, but just a thought has always been on my part is that she doesn't stop long enough to truly see, that she does not take in information, and ponder it, she just keeps moving like a fast train forward. I have never understood this what I perceived as a lack of depth and introspection, and again believe me i would have traded my days of depression, introspection, and coldness, self blame etc....for the freedom of what she had in what appeared to me carefree days avoiding any degree of stillness or being with oneself. The point to all of this is that on Thanksgiving two things much different than ever before between us occurred. We were at my daughters for Thanksgiving, and I needed to get on the road home. We were alone in the kitchen, and I told her it was time for me to go, she laughed hard, and threw her arms around me, and hugged me tighter than she ever has, she whispered in my ear that she could not let me go, and that I was going to stay right there with her in that moment for ever....I told her I would, like a child she said "you would really stay right here in this moment with me forever? I would it was so touching, and so real, and so foreign with her, when my daughters saw us embracing in the kitchen, they were laughing and ran over, and all grabbed me, and would not let me go. It has been a long time since i have felt that much love and feeling from others... What a moment, I really would have liked to stay locked in that moment forever... My mother snapped a picture, and at first I thought oh no the picture is blurry and ruined, but upon further inspection, I noticed that our spirits are sharing in that moment, every part of us collectively was joined in that moment. The picture perfectly represents that... The other moment is when decided to swim on Thanksgiving at my daughters just because we could, it was 80 degrees and the pool was heated, I swam with my now grown beautiful daughters, I was laughing and playing with the dog, we were having such a good time, I really come alive around my kids, I saw my youngest daughter with that look on her face, and I recognized that she was having that moment as well, like I am going to lock this one away for a rainy day, looks...... I love them and these moments so much. I am going to strive to recognize these moments, even when they are not so obvious to me...