Monday, June 11, 2012
I have been in a funk lately, the funk you get after a high....the high of awareness, awakening, knowing....the openess, and a door slams shut....it is puzzling because you want to let your soul light shine, you want to connect, share, learn, expand....youve done so much work. .... what is this door slam, this dark. I can only look to self, because only i could have shut the door, blocked the light....I havent been able to wrap my mind around it....it is a puzzle for me to figure out...The blockage seems to have began when I realized that I feel very aware, and have delved deeply into my own psyche my own dark spaces, the triumph of that should leave me energized and connected, but no, I feel calm, at peace, tranquil...the stir was when I asked the question of how I can be aware, awake, spiritual and energized as opposed to totally zen... which is great, but I feel that I need action to propel.... maybe i am overthinking....just the thought the question, has made me delve deeper into a sluggishness. The answer I believe is that my energy is blocked... by things i am still holding onto...namely weight, perhaps my chakra is blocked. I have unresolved relationships, important parental relationships... It was revealed to me that perhaps... I am holding onto the weight (because I do nothing about it even though I desperately want it gone) because it is protecting me from myself, maybe I am fearful of my own power and my own knowledge, maybe wants the light is blinding, and for all to see that I cannot hide anymore, that space of comfort will be forever gone for me.... I must fight this and do the physical work perhaps it will assist to unblock...be my own friend, and do the right thing for my body, my esteem....The other issue is my father....that will be for the next post....it's complicated!