Friday, April 27, 2012


I have been keenly aware for quite some time, of how other peoples energy affects me, as well as the fact that while I am low key and pretty calm, my energy, especially negative, agressive energy affects those around me. I will admit, that I have done it intentionally in the an introvert in my younger days, with a bit of a temper, but very shy. I did not want to speak my mind...I would hold things inside, to the point that i could create a real palpable heaviness in the air...After realizing i could do this, i actually now use it...very rarely I guess in a rather passive agressive way, I am now very verbal, and undertand the value of what I have to say, but I have instances, when in a meeting for instance or in a room with an obnoxious, insulting person, I can turn it on.. and I have literally seen people trying to figure out why they are sweating, or the air feels heavy and stuffy.. Im just sayin...The bad part is, that I am really hurt or upset I cant help it, and people around me sense it...My husband says he cant even sleep when I am hurting or upset because there is a thickness, hardness in the air that creates anxiety...My point is that while I do this, I am also extremely sensitive to other peoples energy...My husband is a like a light beacon of energy, people gravitate to him like he is a damn battery, haha....which is fine when he is feeling good, which is most of the time, but when he is angry, hurt, or depressed, it is so difficult for me... I feel nauseated, I feel like i cant breath...I hate when he is hurt or angry...I must learn to deal with this, and in 15 years, i still havent figured out how. I have removed myself from the situation, which makes him feel abandoned...and I have tried reason, I think remaining calm, and moving into the calm place, and smudging seems to help....I am good, things are good...just of the mysteries in my life....

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