Monday, January 9, 2012


I hate to admit, but I always have copped to it. It is my answer many times when I dont know how to deal with those I love. I withdraw emotionally from that person, because 1. I dont feel connected to them, 2. I dont have anything to offer them 3. They have hurt me (and likely have no idea)4. I have a role to play with them that I feel forced into by the Universe (illogical) 5. Honest with myself at this point, to punish. 6. To armor myself from the disappointment with the person. I know it's a sucky way to be, but I think It was learned behavior, maybe a little passive agressive behavior, but I am making great strides, it is something I have long recognized, but it was familiar and comfortable, and felt such an integral part of me that just was... The sad thing is that my family and friends recognize this about me, and afford me the privelege of behaving this way
dont get me wrong I am cordial, I am not rude just a little cold and aloof.

One cannot be truly connected with these hard spaces between. These people were put in my path as teachers, and perhaps I to them. If I remain with the wall up, how can I experience or give the gift of connectivity, we are part of the same cloth, the energy, light. I am sharing a life with these people for a greater reason. I must embrace that, be a student and a teacher. Make myself present and available.

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