Tuesday, January 3, 2012
It is the strangest thing, once I decided to open my heart and discover my truth, the flood gates opened, I think I was hoping for a managable trickle to start. It is a little distressing, but I guess in a way it is what I asked for. Some really painful stuff. I felt like I wanted to just stick my toe in the waters, but apparently much was waiting to blow as it were. I know i will find joy. I knew it would be painful and mucky, there is no going back. I am under the weather I have been sick for the New Year weekend in more ways than one. Today I am sick and heart sick, I am a fixer, a problem solver, but this is some messy stuff that appears to need repair, but doesnt really seem repairable, I am at a cross roads, a new thought, I dont need to fix everything, I need to acknowledge it, work through it, and let it go, that I suppose is the lesson. I feel Im walking through a swamp emotionally right now, and I must keep going forward, difficult for me and my family, as they see my struggle, but have no way of knowing what it is, as it is really hard to define. I trust a bright new day is on the other side, but again there is no turning back now. I must dig in and dig deep.