Bird Magic

I started meditation when I was 14 years old and continued daily until I was 22 years old, if calmed my racing mind, help me clear my mind and helped me to unravel whatever perceived problem I had at that time. The goal with a completely clear mind, with little or no outside thought entering. I stopped meditating abruptly at age 22 for reasons I may discuss at some other point, but basically I believe something dark entered my sphere, and I did not know at that point how to deal with this, and stopped. When I started my journey in earnest i realized that meditation was going to be a very important part of that. I have learned through my meditation (which I am not practicing nearly enough) I now need visualation, and I am looking for an experience. The little time I have set aside for meditation has been very fruitful, and amazing when I go into it with an expectation. In my last meditation I was seeking calm and beauty. I imagined myself as a bird, flying over a forest, I then decided that I wanted to be over a body of water, a lake a river, no this isnt doing it for me, I know an old favorite from vacations, a beach, rays of sun bouncing off the water like little diamond lights, the air current, i flew close to the beach, as I liked the warmth and glisten from the sand and the tide rolling in. I would soar, and ride the air current, and dip sharply to the surface. It was a wonderful calming meditation, when I experienced the Sea Gull.

To be honest as special as that meditation was, I hadnt conciously thought about it since that time. I think I just imagined all these things, and perhaps did not realize as I tend not to, that the bird came to me, and had a message. The message I did not fully get until yesterday. I was in rush hour traffic, a particularly bad day, feeling a little agressive, as I was just trying to get home, angry, uptight, etc.... All of the sudden it sounded like it was actually in my truck, I heard a seagull, I was no where near water, or gulls for that matter generally. As soon as I heard it, I immediately heard it tell me to find my calm, and immediately after taking a breath, I did , I thought what a special gift. The crazy part, is that I still did not make the connection at that time to the meditation. I had driven another 35 miles, and it hit me, I recalled the meditation, and the gull, I just laughed like a loon, what a Universe... It is clear to me that my journey will strongly involve animal medicine, and I can no longer ignor the signs of that. I am very excited. I have always been an animal person and generally prefer their company to humans. I will move forward to receive all of the animal medicine that I can receive, and be nourished with. I know typically that sea gulls are not associated with calm with regard to animal totems, but for me in my personal experience it does, likely because my favorite vacations are always at the beach, and it just takes me there.

Uneasy

I have thought about blogging over the last week, but I have been moody, uneasy, unsure, and not really able to decipher if it is hormonal, anxiety or something else. I think perhaps its the feeling you get when you have your feet in different worlds. I want to spend every moment working on my business, my soap, etc... There has been turmoil in my work life causing me to question the way it makes me feel, the knot in my stomach, the feeling that i am wasting time on the necessity of earning a living, vs. living with passion and doing what I love. The uneasiness of turning my passion into a full fledged business with all the trappings, but rewards of that. The sharing of that process with people I love, but sharing it all the same. I m sure it is a choice I can make, but I am not sure how at this point. I am happy with my life in general,just the things that are no longer fitting well that are causing some pains. I dont want to ignore them, I also dont want to dwell on them. I think I should continue to meditate and send my hopes and dreams out into the Universe and believe that the way will be created by my intent and desire.

Floating

CREDIT TO NKG Public Mind Blog

Just floating through my life today, I had a very fruitful weekend, new partners in my business, so many creative ideas floating around, making soap, and other scrumptous delights for the body and soul. A long day with wine, food, creativity and loved ones. Yesterday and Today, just floating, just being, good...bad... I dont know...but required.

Empress

The spread is always spot on for me...as I guess it would be since it was reading my energy, and reinforcing, what I already know or should know. It was so comforting when I received the Empress as my final card. Steve reads my cards for me.

The mother figure of the Tarot deck, the Empress Tarot card meanings are all about love, abundance, nurturing, and pleasure. When we observe the card we see elements of nature - all exploding on the card - the Empress brings about the flood of growth and is the epitome of abundance. She reminds us that there is always enough for everyone to enjoy. There is no shortage.

Let it Grow !

I have completed my dream board, I am sure I will keep adding to it, but it felt so good to make a visual representation to add weight to my intention for this year. As i mentioned before I have a fledgling business, that quite frankly and proudly I have birthed, and nurtured, and held on tight to, honestly not letting to many other people touch or change it. I realized something though. That this child I created deserved to grow and become bigger than me, and as emotional as it is, I am so happy that I made the decision to bring others in to help me and share in growing this baby into something, big beautiful and meaningful. It has taken on a life of its own, and I must let it. I realized that when people started referring to me as "That Crow & Sparrow Person" lol... This is an exciting year for me and my Company. I am fully engaged and ready to make this everything it can be, and revel in the fact that it is leaving the nest...so to speak....and becoming something up until recently I cannot and should not contain. I will share my magic, and let it grow, as it will uninpeded by.....me....

The Joy, Pain and Beauty of Breaking Open

I love this quote....

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin

I feel so much like that tight bud of a flower. Holding tight and secure, wrapping itself around the layers of the delicate hidden petals. This whole process for me is a breaking open, and I think when the seeker takes on the adventure of exploring the deep underbelly of ones life, it is still less painful then the staying closed and not experience the full potential of the beauty to become what you really always were. To let the air, and the light in, to share your beauty, and the realness of who you are and your life. I have not fully bloomed, but I have certainly started to break open, and I can definitely feel the light coming in, and shining a light on the once hidden places.

ART & DREAMS

I was so tired when I got home this evening. My energy has been low all day. I decided I needed to start my Dream Board for 2012, I cannot believe how enjoyable, and energizing it was. MY honey was in the midst of an art piece he was working on, and I was working away on my Dream Board. I have just started and have so much more to add. A night of Art and Dreaming is good for the soul.

DRAGONFLY

GOOGLE SHARED SCREEN SAVER IMAGE

I have always had an attraction to dragonflies. I think a lot of people do. I have a real fondness for them, and apparently they to me...Since I was a child they would land on me, sometimes more than one, and stay for a long time, I was captivated by them. I would be on a float in the water...and several would land on my chest facing me, and just stay there for the longest time, other people noticed this as well. I was once in my yard, no where near water, and it was amazing there were literraly 100's of dragonflies in my yard, my neighbors even commented, becaused they were only in my yard.... I have since learned there are dragonfly people, and I suppose I must be one of them..and this was confirmed to me, when while meditating this weekened, I had a very strong experience with dragonfly and dragonfly medicine. It was amazing,and I actually wept during meditation. I was not attempting to journey as I have no real experience in that, but apparently dragonfly was waiting in that realm for me to come,and it was an amazing gift.... I understand that dragonfly was showing me energy and exchanging energy, as well as validating that we are all connected by energy...It was so real and so moving,dragonfly let me have his experience, pure joy....I asked Dragonfly to show me, what he wanted me to know, and thanked him when it was over. I understand that the Dragonfly represents many things, about illusion, and questioning ourselves with regard to whether we are living authentically... I hope dragonfly stays with me, and introduces me to other teachers, and continues to share his experience and spirit knowledge with me. Another wonderful thing that occurred after meditation is that I was trying to determine all the messages Dragonfly gave me, and wanted to know what dragonfly medicine generally means for most. I waited for a while in order to figure out as much for myself as I could, as I did not want to contaminate the information I received with someone elses interpetation. Once, I soaked it all in, and figured out what it meant to me. I went o the internet to search for Dragonfly Medicine, and I received another gift. I clicked on an interesting looking website, by Dragonfly Whisperer, with an amazing video, very uplifting messages, which I will share in my next post. I will attempt to attach the video here, but I have already added it to my facebook page. It made me cry all over again, because I felt Dragonfly took me there.




This is the video that Dragonfly led me to. Very powerful, especially coming out of the experience just moments before.

ITS MY BIRTHDAY!

Had a wonderful lunch, with my two gorgeous daughters Setara and Alexandria. Receive the most thoughtful card, and necklace handmade by Setara. I am starting my dream board today for 2012. I pulled out the 47 year old handmade quilt from my great grandmother Ferguson, given to me on the day I was born, and treasured every day since. I pulled out my first shoes from my maternal grandfather, my cute little pink leather moccassins. I treasure and hang on to these things to remind me of how treasured I was, am, and how I should treasure myself. A beautiful handmade necklace from Setara, and Alex's warm heartfelt love and encouragement. I am truly blessed. A lovely dinner with my honey.

Sacred Space

My sacred altar to Goddess is coming along. Candles to illuminate, and honor Goddess, Rose Quartz for my heart and the reflection and resonance of my love for all that I hold dear as a woman. Picture of my two beautiful daughters, now women....actually Goddesses in their own right....A Crystal harnessing...the healing power of the love and light I infuse into it with my intent and meditation. Offering to Goddess, of tobacco, lavender, and chamomile. My first attempt at a Spirit Doll creation. I actually smudged the altar with sage tonight because I physically held the Rose Quartz during some very heart wrenching moments when I needed my heart to be strong,a few days ago. I had such anguish in a moment of sadness that I was sure that the Rose Quartz I was holding was the recipient of that energy, just as I was the recipient of the strength of its energy of love in that moment. I wanted to cleanse the energy of the altar...

Age of Aquarius

And just for some Aquarius Birthday Eve Fun from 1969

(From Hair 5th Dimension)

When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars

This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius
The Age of Aquarius
Aquarius! Aquarius!

Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revelation
And the mind's true liberation
Aquarius! Aquarius!

When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/5th-dimension-age-of-aquarius-lyrics.html ]
This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius
The Age of Aquarius
Aquarius! Aquarius!

Let the sun shine, Let the sun shine in
The sun shine in
Let the sun shine, Let the sun shine in
The sun shine in
Let the sun shine, Let the sun shine in
The sun shine in
Let the sun shine, Let the sun shine in
The sun shine in
Let the sun shine, Let the sun shine in
The sun shine in


A little more cosmic FYI???The Aquarian chart of 14th February reveals an incredible concentration of cosmic influences blending with the energies of Aquarius in the twelfth house. Expansive Jupiter and energetic Mars are aligned with the higher purpose of the North Node.The presence of Chiron the wounded healer offers us the opportunity to heal the schisms
that have separated us for so long. Neptune emphasizes collective humanitarian movements and the co-creation of social justice. And the presence of the radiant Sun enlightens the entire alignment. At 7.25am on 14th February – and for the 18 minutes of the alignment, I invite you, in theuniversal heart, to add your own intention for love and peace and to co-createthe dawning of the Age of Aquarius to that of the Cosmos.
In whatever way feels appropriate for you, to align.

Credit to http://www.greatdreams.com/aquarius.htm

Do you believe it

One of those days when I feel like I am kidding myself on every front. I think everyone is damaged to some degree. I think the line you try to draw with your family in particular, is although some of our damage may be inter connected, do I have to carry it all.... What is yours to deal with and what is mine...Just feeling flustered and not very compassionate towards anyone, even me today.... I just have a buck up attitude toward everyone today, and perhaps a little poor me defense mechanism to justify myself...I am pretty sure it is hormonal and likely only about half as real as I think it is today...The joy of aging....I will turn it around.......

Inspirational

“What you seek is seeking you.”
― Rumi

PURGING

This has been a good, emotional weekend, Friday was a complete drain. When I wrote my post about digging deep, and Regret, I knew I was doing some internal cleaning house, some cleansing of my soul, painful and necessary, as I was blinded, and stifled by things that kept me paralyzed. I wont go into any detail, but I basically made a sweep of the things I cannot change, and that I will no longer allow to rule my life, for the most part dealing with trust, misconception, parenting, and fear. I was hurt when I asked a special person to me to please put my feeling aside and tell me how they feel, about how I hurt them, I sobbed I felt lighter, as did the other person. I then gave someone information that I had witheld from them in an effort to save them from pain, it caused them great pain, anger, than relief. I realized that it is not my job to protect those I love from pain, and emotional upset, it difficult, it is not my job, and I have no right to keep things from people I love. I feel light, more open, and ready I feel....to move to the next level. I was forgiven, and I forgave and accepted that I was not perfect, far from it. and regret, and guilt cannot rule my life from now on. I will try to keep myself in check on this point. I freed up a dark space, for some light. Universe I ask that you shine your illuminating, loving, accepting light into my embracing soul......

My Birthday!!

I have never been a Big Birthday person. I have never liked the attention of it, even when I was younger, now I have the added angst of age to add to it. I am so glad that my daughters, and friends love their birthdays, and love to make a week long celebration of it. My 27 year old daughter has reveled in since her first birthday, as she got older, she carefully scheduled and planned a full week of activities with different family and friends, I think that is beautiful, glorius and fun. We should celebrate the day this journey began. I mean I dont hate it, I just dont really think that much about it for myself. This year, I am going to make it special for myself, I am going to honor that day, and all that has come sense. I have not quite figured it all out yet, but I will have my own little celebration. It will be February 8. So very soon. It's kind of funny, its a surprise for myself by myself, as I have not quite figured out what it will entail.

REGRET

Painting by Cyn McCurry "Regret"

I am not trying to be a downer, but just something that has been on my mind and affecting me. I am not sure if I should just be in the moment and feel it. I truly think I have had too many co dependent relationships in my life, and this likely is my issue to deal with. I wrote this a few days ago, and was trying to decide if I would put it here....

REGRET

In the shadows they stand,
...hiding.....waiting.....lurking. They wait for the most
vulnerable moments to make an appearance, and their
presence known.

They are sneaky and disguise themselves with love, anger, EGO
a sense of of righteous indignation...these little regret monsters.

The joke of it all, is this is from one who strives, and believes has believed that it is better to regret something you've done, rather than something you haven't done, but there were obviously things I did not do
that I did not know to do....

The regret, I guess we all have it to some degree as parents. I love my children, they are amazing special, gifted people, but I look at the things that hold them back. Their pain, their grief (normal) we all have it...I think...and know or think that... had I recognized then the damage from what appeared to be temporary ordinary set backs in our life, or If I had recognized that I should have spared that particular moment for them, that I should have acted or reacted differently.

I believed children when they said they were fine, that they could cope,
that everyone was okay. Your a great Mom. Me who prides myself in my intuition, my objective abilities, my compassion, my sensitivity, how could I have missed it.

I am sure we all ask these questions when our kids are grown or almost grown, I guess there is no way around it, if we are honest with ourselves.

I used to think I did not have regrets, oh but I do. The things that are becoming clearer to me now, of course in the 20/20 of retrospect.

But as I stated previously I am learning that not everything, can or should be fixed. I need to feel this and learn to release it. Right now it is residing in me, taking my energy, making me melancholy, and weepy

I wasnt a bad parent, but.....if I had just..... well you know..... been there more, been more present....their lives would have been better, sweeter.

The reality is that they own these things now, and I cannot and should not have any control of their coping mechanism, and learning, feeling. I should just trust, that if nothing else, I raised (2) strong capable...women...