A DOOR CLOSES, AND A DOOR OPENS

Also, known as the Universe Aligns once again.....

I think many, many people have the syndrome that I have. We want, dream, desire the life creative, and meaningful, spiritual, artistic, wherein we call the shots. The Syndrome, the flourescent light world, the pay check to pay check world that seems to dictate, what we will do with our time. That damn hamster wheel that wont stop spinning long enough for you to jump off of it. Your heart beating faster yet, mine is....

I like to think in dreams and fantasies, because the absurdity of saying out loud to many people I know would just sound too ridiculous??  I mean when one of my friends, or aquaintances ask me what i would rather be doing, or what my dream "JOB" would look like, i chuckle, saying just dreaming here and my silly fantasy would be - Living a hippie life, living an artist life filled with ME calling the shots, about what my day and what my life looks like on a daily basis. Me not having to answer to the "Man" at every turn. It would involve this:

Living in the country (done)
surrounded by animals (done)
no mortgage payment (done)
with my love that understands and is fully (99% on board) (done)
Waking daily to do the work/creation i choose whether is be - painting, making body products naturally and lovingly, baking, on the hunt for treasure in barns, junk shops, yard sales and finding a new owner for said treasure online or at market. (50% there)
setting up our wares at festivals all over the place (25% there)    
spending meaningful time, with the earth, people I Love
spending meaningful time for self care, self love (the ongoing journey)

The point to my story, is that when I sent all these desires out the Universe, I stated it, I wish, I dream, and I always think Yeah, well wouldnt that be nice, if you didnt have to go and earn a steady reliable pay check, so that you dont run the risk, of I dont know maybe starving, living without electricity a vehicle, that is when i think, wow I should be thankful that i have a job that I don't hate, and when i realize that I did not yet have the guts to walk away from a well paying corporate job, that does not cause me a lot of stress, i mean that is not easy to find right, yes, it is mind numbingly boring, yes it goes against what I want for my life, but it pays the bills. I recently thought until that door closes, a new door cannot open, a leap of faith cannot be taken, and then i turn up the radio, and prepare my mind, for my long drive, and my long day that do not belong to me.

As you can see from my list above I am relatively well along on part of my dream. I used to wish, pray, dream of a house in the country, mortgage free surrounded by animals, and not know at all how I could make that happened, the Universe aligned then to, and almost 5 years ago I got a call from my aunts my aunts, who are huge animal advocates, my aunts who are aging, and need a different life, they need to be released from the responsibilities of the animals that they have responsibly rescued over the years, the aging animals still with them, the three acres that they are struggling to maintain, the modest home that is more than they need. They had an idea, and they thought of me, I wanted to live in the country, and i was a huge animal lover, would i consider walking away from my City home (with mortgage) to move out 50 miles to their home, so they can buy a condo in the City and travel and be close to their Doctors.

Hell Yessss! Who wouldnt, well I am sure many people wouldn't, but you just handed me my dream, and you know what, the wonderful thing was, I kinda handed them theres to, walk away no strings, knowing that what you built, and loved, would be well cared for and loved.

A deed a move, and a new animal family later, we have a very blended animal family, 4 dogs and a cat from the City and all their country brothers and sisters  My little City critter were/are in heaven, they act like there on an exploration every day, checking out every rabbit hole, every inch of fence line, and every tree.

The goats, dogs, cats, chickens are very happy and make my life a joy. I kind of got of track there but not really, i am trying to express to you, that all I did want talk about, dream about, fantasize, and the Universe aligned, i mean how many times does that happen. We dont live a luxurious life by any stretch of the imagination, we still struggle. I still have to drive 100 miles round trip back into the City for my corporate drive.

And then.....Something started happening, the Art my Artist husband had been working on, which was not selling well, all of the sudden he sold all of it in 2 days to 2 different stores!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told him when we moved out here that I wanted him to stay home, make art, make our body products, care for our property, and he did. Every few months he questions this decision because he doesnt feel that the art the soap, and his junk picking (Etsy Ebay, etc...) are pulling his weight, and he should go get a real job, and I keep saying wait, because he was miserable in the "real world", he kept making art, and he was getting discouraged, people loved it, but it was large pieces, and expensive.  When he sold several pieces in one day, it was a sign to me that we need to keep doing what we are doing. I thought it was interesting that not only all of the pieces sold in one evening, but that they sold within a few days of him starting to work on turning a building on our property into an art studio, intention with action maybe,,,, I think the Universe likes that, ha!

I really am getting to a point here.....The company I work for, well it was just sold and will be gobbled up into another company, i wont lie, i felt an anxiety, a dread.  I got called in and told that there was a merger, and that 80% of staff was being laid off. That my last day will be November 1 2013, and that i will get a severance package. Not a big one, but a couple of months to breath.

All of the sudden, I felt the door close, and I immediately felt a door open, a sense of release swept over me, i felt literally released from servitude. I immediately thought, my dream can begin, my choosing my each day can begin. I will walk through this door, and do my best to make this dream life my own.

I will get rid of as may trappings as i can, and i will wake each day with a plan on my own terms. I will spend days and evenings in my soap room, or in the art room, or in a dusty barn someone digging, or maybe  in a new City at a festival selling my creations, our creations.

I would like to say that anyone can choose, I just needed a doorway to open, and things to align, sometimes these things, most of the time, these things happen in spite of me. Just because I dream and fantasize about the possibilities. For most like myself i would think there has to be a willingness to make sacrifices, like doing without certain things that we in society look at like necessities, you have to be willing to walk into fear, to let go of some comforts, to trust yourself, luckily the scariest part of that was taken out of my hands, and the Universe said well I have removed this obstacle, lets see what you can make of it......

I want to hear your story. I want to hear your dream, your desire for your life, even if you dont see how it could possibly happen, or it could possibly work, speak it. Tell me I truly want to hear it. 

Will this work out for me, it feels right, we will see. And please don't view this as boasting, because it is damn scary, and my life is very simple my home is simple. I just want you to witness for me the ups and downs of this journey, and let me know that i am not alone, and that I should not regret being a dreamer.  

P.S. They probably thought I lost my mind at work, when they told me, and I heard angels sing, saw a door open, and got the biggest smile on my face, I may have even said thank you.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?” 
― Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems

Magical Food for your Soul

This video is 15 minutes long, but it is awe inspiring and pure magic. Feed your soul.

CHAKRA WORK BY A NOVICE- SACRAL CHAKRA

I have been generally aware of my Chakras as a whole during meditation. I have never worked individually on my chakra, or been completely aware of their individual purpose and meaning. For those of you with a developed deep awareness of this, this post will not hold much interest for your I am sure. My first short meditation started with my Sacral Chakra located a few inches below your navel. This Chakra is orange.

Here is just a litttle information with regard to what the Sacral Chakra controls:

When in balance the sacral chakra offers us; Self Respect, self esteem, confidence in our abilities, a sense of freedom.
Imbalances are caused by restriction, Withdrawn behaviour/wanting to withdraw, destructive feelings, dependency, waiting, Low self esteem, low sex drive, difficulty communicating with other people (particularly the opposite sex). Denial of pleasure (not just sex), Martyr behaviour.



When I started working on the sacral chakra, it felt like quite the accident, no intention initially, and it was brief. I visualized the orange disc, spinning, I noticed it was spinning very slowly, it was a dull orange color, a little muddy. Following a guided meditation I pictured the SC and imagined it enveloped in light, white light, the green light of healing, a violet light, a golden light, and back to a white light. The meditation was dealing with intimate relationship with your partner, as well as relationship to money, I was interested in this due to the fact that I have a tendency to push money away on some level, which goes back to my Deserve Post. I realized that it also goes back to a vulnerability. You really cannot in my opionion experience an acceptance of affection, and abundance without a degree of vulnerability, and perhaps a childlike ability to not question whether you are worthy. I knew the sacral chakra dealt with relationships to a degree, and issues surrounding those relationships.  I am sorry to again be so lengthy and rambly here, but on I go, and I must back up a bit. There have been many changes in my work environment new people on board that i do not mesh well with, to the point of me putting up a wall and building resentment towards others as I found their energy and way of being off putting. It was likely uncomfortable for everyone as I limited my interaction. It made me angry at myself that i chose my old "shut down" method of dealing, but their energy seemed so strong and agressive that i felt assaulted by it.  Okay now I am getting to the point here.  After spending that brief 15 minutes meditating and working on my sacral chakra, i came to work the very next day, and through no consciouss decision on my own, i felt a lightness, like magic all those resentments, anger, heaviness had somehow fallen away. I not only dropped all those walls and feelings, i actually let them see me, and let myself truly see them. The only thing I can attribute this to, was my brief work on the sacral C, healing those wounds that were there already, letting myself be vulnerable and trusting that my energy was strong enough, and light enough to not be damaged by others. 

I want to do more intense work on my chakra, using crystal healing, as well as essential oils to maximize. 

I am really interested in literally getting to the root. I have started working on my root chakra, and will spend a good amount of time on this, as I truly do want to deal with issues that are holding me back, and welcome abundance and trust into my life. My work started this weekend, getting back into nature, mountain biking.  I will discuss the Root Chakra next post.

DESERVE

DE-SERVE

Do something or have or show qualities worthy of (reward or punishment).

There are still many shadows I hold that are perhaps unresolved. This creates confusion for me in the sense of questioning my needs and wants, against the rest of society.  For instance, I feel a sense of entitlement is wrong. 

Which leads to question what the real difference is between a sense of entitlement, and a sense of deserving. Many times in my life i have struggled and fought for certain things. I am talking about basics of living a simple life, with a reliable vehicle, a modest home, consistency for my children etc....Perhaps at those times I have thought damn it, I deserve this.  One time that particularly springs to mind, would be when my very old car, which was slowly falling apart, finally had the air go out.  I was driving this car, in Texas heat 100 mile round trip per day, just dying. 

I finally got fed up, and realized and said to myself I absolutely deserve a decent vehicle that is comfortable with air condition, pretty basic right. 

It really takes me feeling beat down, over worked, and emotionally drained to get to a point of feeling that I am deserving. I had people in my past tell me that it appeared to them that I had a self loathing going on, wherein i felt like I did not deserve anything, and that i would more often than not, settle.....

This is a new day, but again those shadows, and triggers still pop up. I have noticed that people i have met and know that appear to have a sense of "entitlement" generally have their needs met. They never question if they deserve anything, it is a given.  

I thought I had resolve this issue in my mind, something I have been working on. Not asking my self if i deserve something. 

Oddly enough, in the silliest way, it popped up again, and it made me mad at myself, and again is so puzzling to me. 

I saw a contest to win a trip to Australia. I don't normally enter contest, but I thought what the heck. To my surprise, it was a more than provide your information contest. They wanted to you write an essay about why you think you deserve this trip. 

I stared at the question, my heart and brain locked up. Hmmm.....well I started writing and it felt so fake, I finally realized, that I don't deserve this trip, but why dont I deserve this trip, my mind starts racing, and I thought, there is a soldier out there, whose dream is to go to Australia, there is a family here and perhaps they havent seen their Australian family in years,  There is a dying person that wants nothing more than to spend time there, there is a extremely charitable, giving, selfless person that deserves this, and I am none of those people.  Needless to say it became clear to me that I had no business entering the contest.  

I have always wanted to go to Australia, but deserve????? Why is that such a huge word to me. I dont like the word, it kind of excludes us who feel that life is not about deserve. I don't  like it, because it makes me question something i dont want to question. Perhaps if I felt like I deserve, I would see more abundance in my life........

I guess what I am getting at here, is the weight of that word, and does it weigh on other people the way it does on me, and should it??? Should I accept that it is not about deserve, or should I learn that perhaps I need to learn to re define that word. 

 

This seems like something that should be so elementary, but I cannot really get a good grasp on it. Like something is missing in my genetic make up. Would love your imput. 

Sorry for the long rambly post about something so trivial, but keeps coming up for me. 

Solstice and Vulnerability

One definition: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded.  In turn I would stand to reason that when one is vulnerable and allows one self to be wounded, that great transformations can be achieved. 

Just had a wonderful solstice journey with generous Pixie Campbell dealing with access point and crown chakra. I felt my head tingling, a peeling away, a blooming of lotus, an expansion of crown. A nakedness, a connected-ness with the power of women, dancing naked, individually, and in unison, across the surface of the earth with sun beaming, and holding us up for our acknowledgment and gratitude. Dancing in forest, no one spoke, but i could see their faces, and then we were all the same, as we truly are. Real vulnerability must be present for connection to occur in my life. 

Happy Summer Solstice to you light beams. 

This week has been heavy, and long, i am weak, i am tired, i am loved. My body and mind are spent taking care of two very ill loved ones, no sleep, but i chose to honor this day, in my own way wrapped in my quilt, dark room, candles lit, and journeying to Pixies Tank Drum. 

Abundance

This is what I desire in my life.  In all ways. My meditation lately has been on opening myself wide open with the light of that. The claiming of that. It is not easy, but it is time. Not just abundance, but connection, and open heart, an open mind to give and receive the light of others in an effortless way, like food for the soul. This weekend we are set up at a show with our body products which i am passionate about, and so invested in. I knew that i had to shrug off the cloak hanging around me lately if I intended to connect with people, and let them see my light and passion. Otherwise there really is no point. It was very effective, my meditation, and visualation. My intention as it were. I felt alive and lit up like 10,000 candles burning bright. My connections were meaningful, some had a lot to do with my creations, and some had nothing to do with them, and I want that to be what it is about, not just financial abundance, but abundance of spirit. It was bouncing back to me all day, even in the sweltering heat.

Meditation/Prayer is so key, it makes my life make sense, and something I need to do more often. Steve and I are at such odd places in our lives, and I suppose it has a lot to do with age, and what you will and wont accept in your life, nothing major, just peeves that no longer seem acceptable. Meditation has helped me with this, I want my marriage to stay strong, it is stressed right now, because on occasion things are contrary to what i need in my life because of two strong personalities. Feeling like i am backing up and giving in to my Leo Man.

I have decided that even though I am clear on what I desire for myself and my relationship, we are two people who want what we want, and need what we need, but to make things work compromise of the highest degree is in order. When I meditate I open myself up for compromise, and a way of being with my partner that serves us both, and he has made a commitment to do the same.

So Abundance is my wish, my prayer, my goal, my intention, and Abundance it shall be.  Wishing you much Abundance of every fashion in your journeys.

THE ILLUSION OF LIMITATION

Google Image

I have been struggling lately, in several ways. I feel stuck, and overwhelmed. I know what I want and need to accomplish, but I seem to only see the road blocks and obstacles. It has left me overwhelmed and frustrated. Time is ticking, i have deadlines to meet and goals to achieve that I feel are critical. I turned to my old friend, Journeying for some help, for an answer. I needed help to see what is blocking me up, and how to get to where I need to be. I know a lot of my issue is still scarcity thinking, and holding on so tightly to comfortable things that do not serve me, and it is not allowing me to take hold of my now, my future, and the path. When I had the journey, like many times, I rarely completely understand it, in the midst of it. Only when i come out of it, and marinate does it hit my like a ton of bricks, and it blows my mind and holds my heart every single time. 

When I arrived on my path in my journey looking for more animal medicine. I was met with a rather typical path, on a steady incline. Walking and waiting for my guide. Instead of a guide. What I got was all of my previous guides, just showing themselves, and telling me to remember all of the medicine and lessons I have been given previously. They were all there, Deer, Bear, Owl, Snake. 

I reached the precipice at which point I was looking across a valley, and to a mountain beyond, I was told that I must go to that mountain, and out of frustration, I said how? how I am supposed to get there. Do I somehow get down this drop off, and then walk the valley, and climb that mountain, and about that time. I immediately knew the answer, and I immediately leapt off the edge. When I leapt off the edge, I was in Eagle, I was actually an Eagle. I surveyed, and flew, and glided, I saw a mouse way down below. I swooped down and caught it in my claws. 

Soon after I smelled the roots from the tree I entered through, and knew it was time to return.  I came out of it, and immediately thought that I need to honor all of the medicine I have received, and never forget the information, the validation that I have received. It is so easy to do. 

It became clear to me when I realized what the Eagle represented. That is what is holding me back, my doubt, my fears, my scarcity thinking. Looking at all of the obstacles, and perhaps feeling not worthy and not capable of the abundance and prosperity I want in my life.  

I need to take the leap and soar knowing that it will be what I need.  

When I looked to see what Eagle Represented 

The Alchemic Interpetation : A representation of prime matter, the start of an alchemic operation (there is that word again in my life) The Eagle spreads its wings over the step into creation and fans the fire, encourageing growth and new matter. 

If the Eagle takes to flight it may symbolize your ability to rise, or be lifted out of a situation or depression.

 The Eagles Message:    Defeat your fears and see beyond the horizon. Have faith in your purpose and see how all things, good and bad, fit into the picture of your life.    

And ultimately  "Not Allowing The Illusion of Limitation to ground us in our flight" 

I really love that. The reminder that our limitation are only an illusion. Now to work that magic into my life. 

I think most of us experience this illusion on a regular basis, perhaps every sing bit of it is an illusion. What are your thoughts?