Thursday, August 29, 2013
A DOOR CLOSES, AND A DOOR OPENS
Also, known as the Universe Aligns once again.....
I think many, many people have the syndrome that I have. We want, dream, desire the life creative, and meaningful, spiritual, artistic, wherein we call the shots. The Syndrome, the flourescent light world, the pay check to pay check world that seems to dictate, what we will do with our time. That damn hamster wheel that wont stop spinning long enough for you to jump off of it. Your heart beating faster yet, mine is....
I like to think in dreams and fantasies, because the absurdity of saying out loud to many people I know would just sound too ridiculous?? I mean when one of my friends, or aquaintances ask me what i would rather be doing, or what my dream "JOB" would look like, i chuckle, saying just dreaming here and my silly fantasy would be - Living a hippie life, living an artist life filled with ME calling the shots, about what my day and what my life looks like on a daily basis. Me not having to answer to the "Man" at every turn. It would involve this:
Living in the country (done)
surrounded by animals (done)
no mortgage payment (done)
with my love that understands and is fully (99% on board) (done)
Waking daily to do the work/creation i choose whether is be - painting, making body products naturally and lovingly, baking, on the hunt for treasure in barns, junk shops, yard sales and finding a new owner for said treasure online or at market. (50% there)
setting up our wares at festivals all over the place (25% there)
spending meaningful time, with the earth, people I Love
spending meaningful time for self care, self love (the ongoing journey)
The point to my story, is that when I sent all these desires out the Universe, I stated it, I wish, I dream, and I always think Yeah, well wouldnt that be nice, if you didnt have to go and earn a steady reliable pay check, so that you dont run the risk, of I dont know maybe starving, living without electricity a vehicle, that is when i think, wow I should be thankful that i have a job that I don't hate, and when i realize that I did not yet have the guts to walk away from a well paying corporate job, that does not cause me a lot of stress, i mean that is not easy to find right, yes, it is mind numbingly boring, yes it goes against what I want for my life, but it pays the bills. I recently thought until that door closes, a new door cannot open, a leap of faith cannot be taken, and then i turn up the radio, and prepare my mind, for my long drive, and my long day that do not belong to me.
As you can see from my list above I am relatively well along on part of my dream. I used to wish, pray, dream of a house in the country, mortgage free surrounded by animals, and not know at all how I could make that happened, the Universe aligned then to, and almost 5 years ago I got a call from my aunts my aunts, who are huge animal advocates, my aunts who are aging, and need a different life, they need to be released from the responsibilities of the animals that they have responsibly rescued over the years, the aging animals still with them, the three acres that they are struggling to maintain, the modest home that is more than they need. They had an idea, and they thought of me, I wanted to live in the country, and i was a huge animal lover, would i consider walking away from my City home (with mortgage) to move out 50 miles to their home, so they can buy a condo in the City and travel and be close to their Doctors.
Hell Yessss! Who wouldnt, well I am sure many people wouldn't, but you just handed me my dream, and you know what, the wonderful thing was, I kinda handed them theres to, walk away no strings, knowing that what you built, and loved, would be well cared for and loved.
A deed a move, and a new animal family later, we have a very blended animal family, 4 dogs and a cat from the City and all their country brothers and sisters My little City critter were/are in heaven, they act like there on an exploration every day, checking out every rabbit hole, every inch of fence line, and every tree.
The goats, dogs, cats, chickens are very happy and make my life a joy. I kind of got of track there but not really, i am trying to express to you, that all I did want talk about, dream about, fantasize, and the Universe aligned, i mean how many times does that happen. We dont live a luxurious life by any stretch of the imagination, we still struggle. I still have to drive 100 miles round trip back into the City for my corporate drive.
And then.....Something started happening, the Art my Artist husband had been working on, which was not selling well, all of the sudden he sold all of it in 2 days to 2 different stores!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told him when we moved out here that I wanted him to stay home, make art, make our body products, care for our property, and he did. Every few months he questions this decision because he doesnt feel that the art the soap, and his junk picking (Etsy Ebay, etc...) are pulling his weight, and he should go get a real job, and I keep saying wait, because he was miserable in the "real world", he kept making art, and he was getting discouraged, people loved it, but it was large pieces, and expensive. When he sold several pieces in one day, it was a sign to me that we need to keep doing what we are doing. I thought it was interesting that not only all of the pieces sold in one evening, but that they sold within a few days of him starting to work on turning a building on our property into an art studio, intention with action maybe,,,, I think the Universe likes that, ha!
I really am getting to a point here.....The company I work for, well it was just sold and will be gobbled up into another company, i wont lie, i felt an anxiety, a dread. I got called in and told that there was a merger, and that 80% of staff was being laid off. That my last day will be November 1 2013, and that i will get a severance package. Not a big one, but a couple of months to breath.
All of the sudden, I felt the door close, and I immediately felt a door open, a sense of release swept over me, i felt literally released from servitude. I immediately thought, my dream can begin, my choosing my each day can begin. I will walk through this door, and do my best to make this dream life my own.
I will get rid of as may trappings as i can, and i will wake each day with a plan on my own terms. I will spend days and evenings in my soap room, or in the art room, or in a dusty barn someone digging, or maybe in a new City at a festival selling my creations, our creations.
I would like to say that anyone can choose, I just needed a doorway to open, and things to align, sometimes these things, most of the time, these things happen in spite of me. Just because I dream and fantasize about the possibilities. For most like myself i would think there has to be a willingness to make sacrifices, like doing without certain things that we in society look at like necessities, you have to be willing to walk into fear, to let go of some comforts, to trust yourself, luckily the scariest part of that was taken out of my hands, and the Universe said well I have removed this obstacle, lets see what you can make of it......
I want to hear your story. I want to hear your dream, your desire for your life, even if you dont see how it could possibly happen, or it could possibly work, speak it. Tell me I truly want to hear it.
Will this work out for me, it feels right, we will see. And please don't view this as boasting, because it is damn scary, and my life is very simple my home is simple. I just want you to witness for me the ups and downs of this journey, and let me know that i am not alone, and that I should not regret being a dreamer.
P.S. They probably thought I lost my mind at work, when they told me, and I heard angels sing, saw a door open, and got the biggest smile on my face, I may have even said thank you.
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
― Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems