Saturday, January 19, 2013


When anyone ask me to sum up what I am looking for in my life, and as part of my journey. I will always say "balance" It has taken me a long time to achieve balance, and of course it requires a lot of nurturing and pushing forward and pulling back at times. It gives me a great sense of peace that I did not have for most of my life. I am so protective of my balance that I feel very threatened if anything comes into the mix that I feel will throw my world out of balance... It is fragile, and beautiful, but perhaps at times it keeps me in a bubble and a bit limited.

I am striving still and always for balance, and that will not change, because it just feels right. The change perhaps is that I now push myself in ways I never have. I am opening myself up and exposing my self to situations I never thought I would. Balance is just that balance. If I choose and i am mindful, and a little more at ease with my processes I can step out spontaneously and still have balance. Meaning that instead of setting such strong perimeters I just now let myself experience things a little more spontaneously. I am really trying to let myself just be, without the self scolding, of Why did you say that, Why did you do or not do that.

My break out lately to push full throttle into this (because for someone who needs balance, i am also a person that goes to extremes, the middle of the road holds little appeal) I have stopped for the most part, judging myself.

Lately, I have been giving myself a wide berth, of self expression without wondering what the consequences will be ( i usually fixate obsessively on this) Even in my diet, I try to be mindful, but if i want a cupcake damn it, so fucking what!

I think that is actually pretty good balance dont you, green smoothie or quinoa for breakfast, fruits and nuts for snack, salad for lunch, healthy dinner, and a decadent guilt free cupcake for dessert....

I just used that as an example, it goes much deeper than that. Basically it feels really good, not walking a tightrope all the time. Balance can still be achieved but an organic balance that has room for other people, other things, and ones fickleness.

Letting go of most of this rigidness, of worrying about my precious bubble of bliss, and what other people think has been strangely liberating.

I will wear what I please without wondering if someone is going to question if i looked in the mirror before I left the house.

Stating what I think and circles I never would have before for fear of insulting someones religous belief or politics.

And accepting my body image, and not looking at food as the enemy...

Sorry this was such a rambly post, just had to get the jumble out of my head, so i can move on....

Your thoughts on duality and balance?

No comments:

Post a Comment