Normally when winter makes its approach I concede grudgingly. The winter and I have never been friends. I did not like the cold, or early nightfall. I especially did not like the darkness that came to visit, in every way.
I refused to embrace it; instead, I would start out frustrated almost angry, I know to those who live in truly cold weather climates I will not receive any empathy here in Texas.
I would slowly give in, and agree to hibernate and cocoon for this season. Hibernate in the sense of a mind numbing idiot box, sleeping, sighing, huffing, just biding my time. I never even looked forward to Christmas or New Year in years past, for this very reason. To me the New Year did not start until March, then, then I could come alive.
This year is different, I am different, after all this time, all these years, I am different. This year I held a giddy excitement, not for the cold, not for Christmas, but for the wonderful shift in energy, an excitement really, like I was going on a great journey, but I did not quite know the destination.
This feeling, this attitude has served me well this winter season. I chose to open myself, to accept the healing, accept the nurturing, to accept that this was a time of depth, and planting ideas, planting those seeds that will bloom when full light returns.
This winter I not only embraced, I was embraced. I feel held, and still in the most beautiful of ways. Ways that made me understand that even my anxiety held hopes and was really just a cloak over the fireball of light that is building in me.
A couple of days ago, a deep fog rolled in, and for two days a slow steady rain fell. The kind of wetness that makes one dread the errands, the drive. This time it felt so good to me, the fog seemed to wrap itself around me, nurture me. The rain and cold gave me permission without guilt, to hide in the most wonderful of ways To light a fire, and get lost in...me. To turn off the distractions, to open the waiting books, to write poetry, to think and breathe deeply, to linger in indulgent moments of self love and gratitude.
I love this embrace, winters embrace.
Are you feeling the embrace?