Sunday, October 20, 2013

The Squeeze

I am literally a couple of weeks from my last day (in the cubicle hell) and I wont lie, even though I am not waivering on my goal and desire to stay away from that world I am having panic stricken days thrown in. because quite frankly I dont have a real safety net, but if i am honest with myself I do an invisible one, that i have to trust is there. I will use this blessing to nurture the seeds of my greatest wishes and goals. What I am experiencing right now is a squeeze, even though i refuse to let this event and the task ahead of me choke me back, it is much like squeezing a balloon, somethings gotta give! and what has been giving for me is something so very important to me, it is my eating habits, being in this body, honoring this body. I had done so well, felt so well, i felt healthy, fit, light, for a while. When I got back from Hawaii, and faced the idea of some of the challenges i was facing. It kicked in like an addict, craving carbs, sugar, just bad stuff. I have been stuffing my face, i will eat really healthy for the most the day, but its like i cannot over come this anxiety driven craving. As a result of this 8 pounds have been gained in the course of less than 2 months, I feel terrible. I physically feel terrible. I cannot do that injustice to myself, and I have to stop this train, because if i dont have my resolve and physical health in control, my ability to give my company everything i have will be diminished. And so it is, and so it shall begin. Do you feel the squeeze? Do you get one piece in order, and the other suffers? That balance word comes to mind, as well as getting the Alchemy right>>>

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