Wednesday, October 9, 2013
I don't know where this came from. My daughter found it and posted it. It again is synchronicity in my life. Most especially the unconditional love part, as that was really going to be what my post was about. QUOTE FROM WRITER COURTNEY A WALSH After I had my "tune up" as it were as i discussed in my last post. Gail told me that I would have lucid dreams and visions, and that i needed to pay close attention to them. As I left the session, a hawk flew low directly in front of my truck for a while. It felt like a confirmation that I was indeed open and a receiver. I will tell you that I have not seen my father in about 4 years, and that prior to seeing him that one day, i did not see him for at least 2 years. My dad is a troubled, wandering man with many demons, and quite frankly he is toxic. He realizes this, and I believe he chooses not to be in our lives for this reason, and right or wrong, i do honor that. Or at least that is what it feels like, perhaps i am really hiding, and relieved to not have to deal with the fire storm that is my dad. I love my dad, he is severely bi polar and was not diagnosed until i was an adult. He made things difficult always, he made you make impossible decisions, and choices, he questioned your every move and motive, but he was also another man, a man who would not lie, a man with pride, and a very strong work ethic. In the wee hours of morning, i had a dream, a very brief dream, it was my dad, he wasn't the drained pained man i saw the last time we met, he was the father of my childhood, in his highest form, he was healthy, strong and patient. You see my sister, and my daughters, have put it at my feet to find my father, i don't know where he is, none of us have seen or heard from him in a few years. (That sounds terrible I know) I have been looking lately checking with family members that he alienated us from when we were children intentionally (too long of a story) Waiting to hear back from them, so if perhaps one of them has seen or heard from him. Back to my dream, my dad walked up to me, and he said what is it that you need from me? I said I need (2) things from you, i need unconditional love, and the 2nd thing eludes me, it is driving me a little crazy. The not knowing, because I do know somewhere, is it for him to be normal??? To be available?? to be healthy??? I don't know. And i questioned today perhaps i need to give myself the unconditional love i seek from this man. My dad always told me from the time i was little "never forget, that no one will ever love you as much as I do" The duality of this man confounds me still. Anyway, when this popped up this post Dear Human, it spoke to me. I think it is correct, am I really here for, and do I really need earthly unconditional love. I believe it is true that i came from and will go back to Unconditional love. So this walk of sometimes crawling, trudging, running, leaping and flying is enough in itself.