Soul Light

My writing skills frustrate me a bit, in that it is so difficult to put into words the feelings, the growth, the pain the joy I have experienced over the last few months of my journey, the shining of a light in those dark places, the courage it took, the pain, the exhileration....the payoff.... those dark things lose their power when they are inspected, acknowledged... just that, not necessarily analyzed to death, just acknowledged, viewed from a different angle. The angle of you are part of me...I thought you were something that I must hide away or learn to rid myself of, instead I learned, that you were wrapped in pain and fear, and just wanted to be....seen....and now embraced... In doing that searching.. cleaning those corners, you let the light in, the fears seem to diminish, lose their power of pain, instead they stand tall as teachers... It fascinates me of all the blogs I follow how so many beautiful women, have been called to their Warrior Goddess, and are wading through the same mire, with courage, and learning to fight, love, and give to themselves, so that they may fully show their soul light to others as a beacon of what is..... So many beautiful words, thoughts, ideas, that speak to me so deeply when I read them, writing their story, my story....  It appears obvious to me that we are in the midst of this cosmic shift, that used to cause me fear, but as of late, I feel like, I cannot wait for the culmination of all of the energy, of all of these beautiful soul lights. The warriors, who chose the calling to walk through the despair, and come out on the other side.  One such inspiration:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us. We ask ourselves Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small Does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking So that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, As children do. We were born to make manifest The glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; It’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson

WHY ME!

I have staved off illness this season so far, the minor usual allergy flare ups that have become a normal part of my life, everyone around me in my office, coughing, hacking, sneezing, I thought I avoided it, but oh no> I am in the throws of this lousy bronchitis, yuck yuck yuck, 4 prescriptions, and in an out of consciousness. Hopefully i will be well by Monday and I will feel wonderful, you know that feeling you get, when you are so sick, and you feel better, it is like oh my God, this feels fabulous, i can take on the world, til then cough, cough, sniffle sniffle.

Sacred Space

Steve & and I had a working vacation of sorts. We have been working diligently on our natural body products, and occasionally we do a show to sell our goods, and network for perspective wholesalers, so maybe just maybe one day i can leave the glory of my corporate job, in my cubicle. We particularly wanted to do this show because it is a location near and dear to our hearts, Bolivar Peninsula Texas Coast. We brought our kids here, spent many a romantic evening here, and even got married here...barefoot on the beach, as the full moon was rising and the purple orange sun was setting. We know its not the most beautiful beach, but it speaks to our spirits. As Steve was surf fishing I took a long walk down the beach, and as the waves lapped at my feet, I giggled, I was transported there immediately, there was my 6 year old (now 22) building her sand castle covered head to toe, rolling around, and then jumping fearlessly into water, she would even want to go in at night, my 13 year old (now almost 28) trying to look cool, in her little too revealing bathing suit. I laughed out loud, and cried at the same time. I remembered standing there, with our family around staring into each others eyes, exchanging those vows next to the sacred salty mother. I have chosen lately to see the magic in every day, and that day, an old friend, a sacred spirit, gave me the gift, of touching my skin with her gentle wave, and saying hey, remember that day, remember that feeling, that energy that you left here on me, and I saved it for you.... The beauty of that magic. The magic that I get to have this human experience in such a tangible yet unimaginable way, and I thanked her for the gift that she has given me and my family throughout the years, and I asked her to share our energy with all who walk there.

Lightning Medicine Cloud

This is so extremely sad. It happened about 20 miles east of where I life.

 Lightning Medicine Cloud, a white buffalo, was born onto Arby Little Soldier’s Lakota Ranch with great ceremony. Now, at just under one-year-old, the sacred and rare calf is dead. Authorities believe the animal and his mother were intentionally killed. Lightning Medicine Cloud’s father had been killed by a lightning strike last month. A one-year birthday party was planned for Lightening Medicine Cloud for next week. The event will continue as a memorial. The Hunt County Sheriff and the Texas Rangers are searching for the person or people who killed the two animals. “We are investigating all three deaths at the Lakota Ranch here,” said Sheriff Randy Meeks.

As legend goes, chances are one in 10 million that a white buffalo will ever enter this world. The white buffalo was born on May 12 last year during the intense power of a driving thunderstorm. The white buffalo was born on Arby Little Soldier’s ranch in Hunt County. Little Soldier is part Mandan Indian, part Lakota; he says he is also a great grandson of Sitting Bull. While all the other buffaloes on Little Soldier’s ranch belong to him, he said the white one belongs to all people and nations. He believes, and custom dictates, that the animal’s existence is a powerful message, but its meaning is not yet known. A rare white buffalo calf regarded as sacred by Lakota Sioux tradition has officially been named at a ceremony. The name Lightning Medicine Cloud is also a tribute to the first known white buffalo in Texas born in 1933. Lakota Sioux tradition holds that Whope (HOH’-pah), the goddess of peace, once appeared in the form of a white buffalo calf. Little Soldier says the buffalo represents hope for all nations and races. “The message that was brought here to this ranch, he brought strong and it will carry on.

Panic

Panic attacks are strange things, irrational things, i guess that is what happened to me yesterday, and I am not at all sure had 100% to do with my root canal, i was still freaking out, with the gas, ha! the music seemed eerie, for some reason Sister Christian playing in my semi passed out state, with my dentist whistling to it, kinda creeped me out... but no pain, and knock on wood still no pain... i will go back for part 2 in a couple of weeks, but I am fine. My poor husband trust my intuition so much that even though he was re assuring me and telling me I was being silly, was on pins and needles the whole time, my phone rang, ignored about 3 times him wanting to make sure I was okay, and that I did not slip in to permanent lala land or something... Other things happened yesterday that were upsetting and made me angry at myself and embarrassed, those things from the recent past that i handled in the wrong way, coming back to bite me... anyway, i am a little melancholy over it, i obsess a little and need to give myself a bit of a break, but I need to examine why i did what i did, and hopefully not fall into the same trap i set for myself again in the future. It is affecting to a small degree the growth of my company or at least making me question myself, this to will pass, but I will work to be a more responsible, especially financially responsible adult....

Nerves!

I am finally going to have my root canal today. It is so strange, I mean no one likes going to the dentist...I dont think...I have had one before, and it wasnt that huge a deal, but for some reason right now with my appt just a couple of hours away, I am racked with a case of nerves, I feel shaky, queasy, and just plain nervous, i cant think straight, again so strange. I have never had this reaction before going to the dentist....Wish me luck...