My Grandmother passed away, on Sunday August 14, 2011 at 83 years old. Let me start this, by telling you that I love my Grandmother, I say this first, because what I say next may be shocking and make me sound like a cold uncaring person, but you just had to be there for the ride to understand. My Grandma Betty, her death was not really a surprise, she has been in the nursing home for a while, and her health has been going down hill lately. My G was a character, and not always in the best way, in fact usually in the worst way. I could tell you story after story of her sharp tongued ongoing barage of negative things, constant complaint and whining, that sounds really terrible, but I am trying to tell it like it is, I am one of the most tolerant and forgiving people you would ever hope to meet, but to witness are big part of her life, it has been amazing. I will say that to give you a clue, that while standing at my grandmothers casket along with other family members, my uncle, my mothers kid brother (who took the brunt of my grandmothers observations) stood over the casket, welling up, and said before everyone there, to my grandmother " Your were so, so mean!" long pause, but I miss you. I think that sums it up.
I understand that my G did not have an easy life, I understand that she likely never got what she wanted, that she felt cheated in a way, that she was bitter, and angry and a fighter.
What I also understand, as most people do, is that we all have a choice, it may not feel like it, but we do, we all have burdens in life to take on. I have had a pretty hard life myself, but I will not let it, stop me in time, and wallow, and blame, and hate.
It was my choice, my life. Just the one in this space and time. I must learn, and accept that my pain, my grief, my joy, my love, is my own, it is no greater, and no less than anyone else's. I hope that when my G mother ascended, and I believe that she did, that she felt, or became aware, that she was loved, that we were always there, and that no degree of discomfort that she caused pushed her family away, as many would have, and that speaks volumes about the people that stuck it out, mainly my mother, she was always there, always giving, always being vented on and at.
TRULY REST IN PEACE, GRANDMA, ITS NOT WHAT YOUR DEALT IN LIFE, IT IS HOW YOU CHOOSE TO PLAY YOUR HAND.