Anxiety

Wow, I am so unprepared this year, what in the hell happened, wasn't it just August yesterday. Thank goodness, my mother stepped up and will have Thanksgiving Dinner at her home. I have not bought one Thanksgiving food item, nor have I bought one gift for Christmas. All of the blogs I love are in full swing, and not only reflecting on the season, but already deocrating for Christmas. I need to catch up, but I think maybe I need to slow down at the same time, I mean what is the point if you cannot get some enjoyment out of it. I will accept my shortcomings this year with regard to the Holiday, and accept that indeed I missed the mark for Thanksgiving, but that Christmas planning is still salvagable. This has been a whirlwind year with a lot of change, for myself and people that are the closest to my heart. It is necessary, and joyous, and painful. It is so many things, but things that remind you that you are alive. The last two years, have been this way for my family, but my family has grown more in the last two years than in the last 5-7, we were stuck in a rut, comfortable in our numb boredom, trudging along in our assigned roles. First the change with myself and my Hubby, we were blessed with an opportuning to move and live in the country. The stars lined up, because even though we were trudging along, we both had a dream that we spoke to each other, and to the universe. We wanted to live in the country, and not be house poor. I wont go into it, but our prayers were answered, almost defying our inactivity to do anything that would seem to bring this about. I truly believe if you send that energy out into the Universe with a desire and passion, it can happen the stars line up, things fall into place, that really shouldnt, but somehow inexplicably do.
I was laid off, from a job I loved last year, like many other people in this economy, I was adrift and down, but I somehow found a job I love better, and fits me better. Who knew. I achieved things this year, by choosing to stop fighting against the tide, I am a fighter by nature, meaning that I grew up and brought up my children, to never let anything keep you down, you always get back up you always fight for yourself, staying down is not an option, but I realized that while this is a good trait, you have to really stand back and look at the situation, and realize that God will provide, if you listen to your heart, and you flow with the tide, and never stop moving forward. I will reflect on this Thanksgiving, and not trying to make it to too many places in too short a time, or wait in lines at the grocery store, I will hold my family near, we will laugh, talk, and cry a little, but we will be Thankful, that everyday is a chance to move forward and make it right, make it better. Sorry so long, I kind of got lost in my self therapy there. Enjoy your holiday, enjoy what matters. Slow down and breathe a minute. Happy Thanksgiving

Strangers

To make a long story kind of short, I took off of work today to offer my daughter some moral support at magistrate court for a ticket issue. Meaning I had to wake up very early, and wait in a cold long line waiting for the privelege to go through a metal detector, stand in another line, go upstairs and sit on a hard bench for 4 hours-Anywho- Where do strangers come in. Well it occurred to me today, after sitting on a bench for 4 hours (because I could not go in the courtroom, and sit on their hard bench, not permitted) that sometimes a stranger can be a really good thing. A very pleasant lady sat next to me, and struck up a conversation, we talked and talked, and she handed me a snack, and we talked some more. Dont get me wrong, I am generally the type of person who avoids contact with perfect stangers, you know avoid contact, give quick answers, as not to give the impression that I am interested, lol!, but sometimes it is nice to sit and talk, and vent to a perfect stanger, that you will absolutely never see again. We talked about some pretty heady stuff, we both got something out of it, it has to be I would imagine similar to baring your soul to the bartender. Sometimes it is easier to see yourself through the eyes of stranger, than your loved ones, because I think when you engage with this person, you feel the need on some level to let them know you a little bit, which means you look at yourself and define yourself to a degree. Anyway it is kind of funny when you have those encounters because even though it is very nice, and a little cathardic, it is like when the person leaves, smiling with a little wave and thank you for the conversation, it is like they carried away a rough piece of you. Very nice, so most of you probably already know this, but if you dont, trust me, slow down take a minute, lighten your load, connect. It is so worth it. PS Soap pics soon. LL